someone wise once told me this

don't look back in grief over the past, for it is gone. do not be troubled by the future, for it has yet to come. live in the present. and make is soo beautiful, that it will be worth the memory.

- Kee Wei ♥

xoxo

its been awhile..

I can feel the chill go down my spine
Amazing i do this every time
It’s hard to forget the things ive been through
You’d want to die too if you only knew
The things i feel
Seem so unreal
Sometimes i feel i may never heal
I know i tend to miss the signs
It’s just hard for me to unwind
When i get to having an obsession
It doesnt help with my depression
I guess im checking in for another session
Sick of the drugs
But i never got hugs
So ive learned to deal with the mean mugs
Some say they get it
When was your last hit?
Just look at my wrist you can see they’ve been slit
I know i talk too much
It’s because im out of touch
I guess ill never feel free
It’s just the way i accept it to be
I dont expect anyone to love me

xoxo

breaking memories

early this morning ard 7, david came and pick me up to have breakfast . had some long talk with him . as david has always been the wise fren or something . he's been telling me how i should be thinking more bout my life than waste my time on foolish things . i hate to admit, but he's right .

anyways, an hour or so after that . the both of us went to visit ben's grave .

i still rmbr the day he passed away . i was in skewl and i got this call saying that he passed away.. everything all came in fast motion, i didnt believe it . i didnt wanna believe it at all.. everyone in skewl could see how devastated i was . where after that, jin yin was there to comfort me as i had to call nick to tell him bout the bad news . neither could nick believed what happened . it seems just like yesterday they were talking to each other .

the next day of his funeral, i didnt attend.. i didnt go and pay my last respect .
instead i was out in curve and then dinner at this korean bbq restaurant with a few ppl .


what kind of a fren was i?


i was in denial .
i lost sean . and early this year, i lost mack . and i refused to have lost ben .
i wasnt a good fren at all .. i felt so alone . and coming back home was the worst thing to do . remembering that he used to come by to see how i was coping, remembering him using my laptop, remembering his lame jokes, everything . i missed him so .

i went to see him the next morning . but it wasnt the same .
saying my last goodbye to him was one of my most difficult moment .

when we reached.. while i was still in the car, refusing to get out, with the flowers on my lap, i started to cry.. thinking that this is all that i deserve, mayb i wasnt meant to be happy . but i finally got out .
standing in front, seeing his tiny picture on this craved stone made me weak, i felt like breaking down .




why?
why have i lost the ones i love most?

xoxo

in times like these, i just wanna die

I tried to die. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. For being selfish. For being intolerable. For being irritating. For trying too hard. For saying the wrong things. For hurting innocent people. For making people cry. For pushing those that cared away. For not knowing how to make things right. I'm sorry for not being as well polished as everyone around me. I'm sorry for not being good enough. I'm sorry for not being smart enough. I'm sorry for not being talented enough, an excellent mind. I'm sorry if you regret wasting your time and money on me. I'm sorry you have to compare me to everyone else, because I'm not what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not coruscating as brightly as the other girls. I apologize for giving you a reason to scream, shout, hit me everyday. I'm sorry you have to look at me with disgust. I'm sorry the thought of disowning me ever crossed your mind. I'm sorry for not being an outstanding individual, daughter, friend. Person. I hope you forgive me for not trying to change, even though I know its for my own well being. I hope you forgive me, for procrastinating, for ignoring, for laughing, for cursing, for disappointing. All those times you needed me, and I wasn't there. Please don't hate me for being prone to jealousy, to perfection. To anything remotely better than I. Please don't think lesser of me, please don't see me as fraudulant and wrathful. Please don't turn away from me, for being different. Please don't say I am everything you stand against. I am begging you. To not question how I think. To not look at me with hate, to not condemn me. To not criticize the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I look, the way I am. To not label me. To not exclude me, for I do feel, I do. And I want to be apart of whatever. To not judge me on appearance. To not give up on me. I do not wish to be worthless. I do not want you to cry for me, I do not want to cry for myself. I do not want you to cry for me, I do not want to cry for myself. I do not want to look at other people, and want to be more like them. For I have told myself, that I will not be defined by what others are. I do not possess the power to make anyone happy, I try. I am not a good person, I have done things that I am not proud of. I am a fake. I am weak. I am a coward. I am condemned. I am selfish. I am inadequate. I am rude. I am immature. I am unbareable. I am temperamental. I am worthless. I am insignificant. I am nothing. I am useless. Now, would you believe me if I said I didn't need you ? 'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.

xxx

taste the blood of my tears ; he's waiting for that day i stab myself

listening to:
Just A Car Crash Away by Marilyn Manson

ive been away for awhile..
so okay, im back blogging .
not sure why i even bother having a blog


anyways, please ignore the previous post my fren Portia blogged bout
she was just dramatically angry at that moment
( but hunn, thank you so much for bein my shoulder to cry on )
besides, behind every bitch is a guy who made her that way
and that goes for me..


thanks a bunch for being there for me :
vivian, for every friggin moment that has happened . through thick and thin, even from the beginning .
steph, im real sorry that i got you really worried and that i didnt inform you of anything that has been goin on lately . im sorry .
and anyone else who's been there too .


sammy and vinnie, i'll do your tags when im free kay?

xxx

i hate her

I
REALLY
FUCKING
HATE
HER

xoxo

you torment and i love

listening to :
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend
How to Dance With You (The Twelves Remix) by Black Kids

I reach for something I will never hold,
I will never have you because you are too cold.
You made me think I was inconvenient.
Now that I know otherwise, to you, I will not be lenient.


Freedom was something that never struck me as real,
And hope was something that I had to conceal.
Love, however, is not easy to forget,
This feeling I have, I may always regret.


But I still love you.
It doesn't matter how you make me feel or what you do.
I'll always care for you,
Even after all of those other girls you did pursue.
But I'll also never forgive myself for not letting go.
Through all of my pain, I still love you so.

xoxo

bye bye beautiful

listening to :
Made Up Stories by GoAudio

Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting..

xoxo

imaginary

by Evanescence

<sub>"... Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light


If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay a while
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again ..."</sub>

xoxo

even in death

by Evanescence

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home


I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on


Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me


And I can't love you, anymore than I do
And I can't love you, anymore than I do

People die, but real love is forever

xoxo

ATTENTION !!

im in love with Tokio Hotel ;D ;D

i really really love all their songs . espcially 1000 oceans .
and tho i dont understand a word from the other songs (dunno what language thery're singing) but i still love it !
and i couldnt care less if Bill Kaulitz's gay anot, or the fact that he looks like a woman or sound like one in the song "monsoon" . lol

who's seriously sweet enough to buy their original album "SCREAM" for me ? ;p ;p

tom kaulitz is so hot ! (the one with the hat)

ready , set , go !
it's time to run
the sky is changing, we are one
together we can make it while
the world is crashing down
don't you turn around

xoxo

i miss this song ..

i used to listen to this all the time .


ya know .. i hate it when youre with someone , and the both of you will have a song or something . and soon, when good things come to an end .



you move on .



but what issit that everytime i hear this song . it strikes my heart .




am i still hangin on ?




xoxo

forever dying on the inside

i am alone and forever lost
i wonder what it is to go comotrose
i hear the voices calling from far away
i see a coffin lying empty in my future grave
i want to be left alone in this place of misery
i am alone and forever lost


i pretend to be happy almost every day
i feel a loss of reality and everything turning grey
i touch nothing as everything feels so far away
i worry that my worst fear shall soon be confirmed
i cry when she is not by my side
i am alone and forever lost


i understand that i am not like you
i say that it doesnt matter and why should i care ?
i dream that my love is no longer here
i try not to notice your unblinking stares
i hope that one ay you shall all see just what you drove me to be
i am alone and forever lost




xoxo

and you never came back .

i was born when you kissed me .
i died when you left .
i lived a few weeks while you loved me .



xoxo

i only hurt me

thoughts
racing through
my mind


i try so hard
to keep control
inside


it`s not working
anymore
people can see


everything`s
always
agitating me


cant concentrate
on
anything


i feel myself
withdrawing
everyday

xoxo

for you ..

jealousy , misery , suffering ,
you've got everything .
razors , flame , pills and cocaine ,
you need the comfort of the pain .

you make up for never present hope and lost dreams
with self inflicted agony
you accept this misplaced blame ,
bitterly fulfilled by undeserved shame .

so many vain attempts to flee have finally made you see
you cant run from a memory
you`ll never get away
you cant make it go away
so take it , take it to your grave

xoxo

s . e . a . n

you were sick that day ,
but you made me smile :D

i`ll always love you .

you were always there for me .
youre the only one who could understand .

melissa`s doin fine . just so you know .

you saved me life


sean wong wei kenn


happy 19th birthday


i miss you .


R.I.P
1989 - 2007


i dont see you anymore ,
but i still feel you around .


you`ve never failed me,
you were always there .
memories of you will be remembered for eternity .


the day you died , i lost my soul .


now you`re gone , gone forever .
i should have seen it coming ,
i should have known it all .


im missing you every moment .
im vulnerable without you .


there is no one ,
who understands .
no one to save me ,
but you .


you`ve saved my life and i blame myself .


angels may have you now ,
but someday soon ,
they'll have me too .
wait for me ...


i love you

xoxo

come back

why can i let go of you ?
i need you here


youre birthday`s coming
i dont know what else to do
give me a sign
tell me what to do


i wanna celebrate with you
you would be 19 soon
but i know i cant
cause
youre gone , gone forever


i dont need any help , i dont want any


i hate life
i hate that youre not here
i blame myself


come back , take me away


pain please go away
or
death come and take me away

xoxo

kill me .

i wish ..

i was never born .

let me sleep .
and never again ,
to wake up alive .

xoxo

you . left . me

sean , i need you .

xoxo