early this morning ard 7, david came and pick me up to have breakfast . had some long talk with him . as david has always been the wise fren or something . he's been telling me how i should be thinking more bout my life than waste my time on foolish things . i hate to admit, but he's right .
anyways, an hour or so after that . the both of us went to visit ben's grave .
i still rmbr the day he passed away . i was in skewl and i got this call saying that he passed away.. everything all came in fast motion, i didnt believe it . i didnt wanna believe it at all.. everyone in skewl could see how devastated i was . where after that, jin yin was there to comfort me as i had to call nick to tell him bout the bad news . neither could nick believed what happened . it seems just like yesterday they were talking to each other .
the next day of his funeral, i didnt attend.. i didnt go and pay my last respect .
instead i was out in curve and then dinner at this korean bbq restaurant with a few ppl .
what kind of a fren was i?
i was in denial .
i lost sean . and early this year, i lost mack . and i refused to have lost ben .
i wasnt a good fren at all .. i felt so alone . and coming back home was the worst thing to do . remembering that he used to come by to see how i was coping, remembering him using my laptop, remembering his lame jokes, everything . i missed him so .
i went to see him the next morning . but it wasnt the same .
saying my last goodbye to him was one of my most difficult moment .
when we reached.. while i was still in the car, refusing to get out, with the flowers on my lap, i started to cry.. thinking that this is all that i deserve, mayb i wasnt meant to be happy . but i finally got out .
standing in front, seeing his tiny picture on this craved stone made me weak, i felt like breaking down .
why?
why have i lost the ones i love most?
xoxo
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