im spending new years eve, alone .

had plans the day before new years eve, but the plan is constantly changing..

supposedly at first, i wanted to celebrate in MOS with Stephiiekins and Carlston. but i didnt felt right going there. i have my personal reasons for this.
then was planning to go to KL with Darren and thought of sleeping overnight at the hotel after countdown, but couldnt.
so back to Hartamas Square, just-like-every-year.
at the same time, had plans to go to Curve. probably to meet up with Melody, and then hang out with Leonard or Derek. could have met up with Yuin and Desmond too.


but my mood for the rest of the day, DIED.
why?


at first, i was allowed to go to curve. its a yes. but the woman ALWAYS have this last min pms mood and would feel like everything isnt right.
(im not done yet)
then, the younger bro just-couldnt-SHUT-his-friggin-mouth! he said that i was up to something. and im not allowed to go to curve, wtf?!!!! then mom's boyfren had to ruin everything. the old hag started talking bout crap, and that i shouldnt be able to celebrate outside with frens. lastly, my other bro tried to make things better for me. but ended up making a fool of me.


more things happened, but i couldnt care less to explain it. please excuse me.


i really hate this..

xoxo

merry christmas!!

listening to :

Blue Jeans by Silvertide

like everyone else says.. better late than never, right?

but like nick says.. there's 12 days of christmas. so.. im, technically, not late, at all . lol

how was everyone's christmas?

mine was quite fun . spent it with the family . had lotsa lotsa fun kiddies games .

and presents!! :)

sorry.. desmond and elena for not being there in goddezz with you guys .

min hui and kai yi, sorry i didnt drop by mardigras that day .

did you guys had fun? :)

so for christmas this year, i sent christmas cards to my lovelies .

i thought, since im 16 this year . send 16 cards?

anyhoo . the christmas cards were sent to :

* Mika Pantaleo ; Hawaii

*Portia Ng ; New Zealand

* Aubrie Sloan ; USA

* Ronnie ; Canada

* Taunia ; Canada

 ( and the rest, Malaysia )

* Kee Wei

* U-Jin

*Melody

*Stephiiekins

* Leonard

* Voonie

* Zoran

* Jonathan

* Vivian

* Shev

* David

hope you all love your cards :)

NOTICE :

im currently blogging using my cousin's laptop, so i might not be online any sooner .

it is simply.. cause.. my laptop is being in repair and its to be reformat . not sure when i can get the laptop back, hmm..

DIE lar.. my songs.. how? D: D: D:

anyways.. HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance .

hope you all have a lovely still-on-going holiday! lol

xoxo

my life ..

listening to :
Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette

My life.

why do i worry?
why do i stress?
why has my life become a total mess?
why aren't i happy?
why aren't i free?
why cant my life be how i want it to be?
why do i bother?
why do i try?
it all ends in failure
and thats why i cry ..

xoxo

where ive been?

listening to :

Love is Gone (Joachim Garraud & Fred Rister Remix) by David Guetta

and so i got this job for 3 days, to promote the face product Olay from 10am till 10pm for rm 100 a day .
i tell you, damn tiring!
mostly i was hoping for the time to pass by so i could go back home..
so..

1st day of work, friday

b4 working, went to starbucks! xD its been so long..
working was okay . i had fun working with Ashley, and tho we were supposed to have our breaks seperately. we didnt . instead during our last break, we went for a lil shopping ard the place, got ourselves a small treat and such . talking bout makes up and all . lols
met a few ppl while working/ having break ; Yun Xin, Yen Hao, Matthew, Adi, Ilyas and Jin Yin's mom xD
after work, starbucks with Daniel and Ashley . when i got home, went to Rasta and shisha-ed with Edwin and David .



2nd day of work, saturday

starbucks in the morning again..
got a new colleague, Shi Min, shes okay i guess.. that day, it was quite a busy for us . alot more ppl came and bought the Olay product . and even more, there was this malay guy who came and stole two Olay eye cream . one's worth rm69.69 . he stole two, and he got caught (:

went for late lunch during my break with Daniel . supposely i were to belanja him makan, we ate in secret recipe, but he paid even b4 i could take my money out . so yea, thats the time i 'accidentally took' his rm200 xD then went to starbucks later on, i paid with Daniel's money . all the while, he's been so blur, he didnt realised that his money was with me . tsk.. after i got back to work, and hours later, Daniel called . he wants his money back xD

" hey Daniel, i really didnt steal your money kay . i ' ACCIDENTALLY TOOK' your money . "

Lol.. so now i owe him a hot gf -__- and Ivan was there, he was damn funny being a fool playing with the toys, girls clothes and pads xD after work, went to starbucks with Daniel again xD ( to return his money ) an hour later, got back home, and Carmen was adi in my hse ._.

3rd day of work, Sunday

no starbucks in the morning =(
during my first break.. no, it wasnt to starbucks . instead i went to the game center and wasted my time there playing racing cars xD i didnt like working that day, soo damn little customers . saw my babe Vivian! :) soon after, got a msg from David saying that he couldnt fetch me back home from work . sms-ed a few ppl, all no reply . then Alex called, he said he might be fetching me back, or so . then Daniel smsed me .

this is what happened when you sms a few ppl and then almost by the end of the day, most of them reply :/ so, i had to decide who to fetch me back . in the end, i decided that Daniel should fetch me back, since he was gonna come by kota anyway . i smsed back to the others saying that ive got transport . later then, Jason Voon called me, saying that he wants me to teman him after work . so i thought, sure, ive not seen him for so long (one month long ;p) and yesh, i missed that bugger (: when Daniel came, i told him to drop me off at Jason's condo . to be noted, I LOVE DANIEL's CAR! okay, not his car, but all his soft toys in his car . ive got the same ones too! lmao (x

after he dropped me off at Jason's condo, i went to the park to find Jason, saw him lying on the slide -__- soon, went into his room, all the memories came flooded back into my mind . nothing's changed, and i still love the view from his window . all the lights! :D after that, we had a talk . never in my life have i felt so much emotion in a day, it felt good . it was real nice spending time with him, i had fun cause he was being such a kid . so b4 i got back home, we went for a lil drifting for a very short while xD hmm.. why issit that everytime im out with Jason, i get myself grounded by the woman .

sighs, she hates him adi . but whyyyyyy?! :(



p.s., rmbr what you promised me . im trusting you .

plus, you owe me a day in the theme park xD

xoxo

im back! D:

listening to :
Memories by Within Temptation

i missh Beijing! (especially those two hawt china boys ;p)
shuuuuussssh, might even update a lil bout it, soon :D
damn lazy now la .
anyways, bought loads of things! shopped like crazy, money was spent like water .
besides that, came across loads of leng zhai . went drooling and stalking each one of them from across the street or everywhere else! hahahahahahaha


i could update more bout the trip but sadly when i came back, i was busy talking on the phone :)
no time for much typing atm..
OR
i'll update soon when i get the pcitures back from Sally, SuLynn and whatshisname .


so yea.. imma go now .
ive not slept for more than 9873109810831 hours
can die adi.. hahahah
goooodniiiiights!

xoxo

woots, im going to Beijing!

listening to :

I'm Yours by The Script

yeaps, that's right :)
im goin to Beijing and i'll be away for a week . tho, to me, going to Beijing not only feels like im going to rehab . but its also more like an escape trip . probably to clear things out from my mind, get myself occupied, relax and maybe just have fun eating snow!! i just want to get away and be happy again . being able to get away from this place is all i want right now, and thats a good thing cause i feel like i really need that .
those of you who thinks i dont seem happy enough to be goin to Beijing . dont get me wrong, i am excited to be going there . but just not too excited. get what i mean?
anyways, imma miss you guys so much!!


my lovelies.. aka, my ex puay chai 2 classmates .
im not 100% sure that i'll be there for the gathering on 22nd, i'll let you guys know la! cause i'll be back the day before, i think . and the gathering is from 10am till 12am!
you guys are killing me!!!
BUT.. im dying to see you all!! so i'll try my best to be there kays .


P,S. PLS DO NOT CALL ME, YOU MAY SMS ME, I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT REPLY, BUT PLS DONT CALL . UNLESS I CALL YOU ;p


HAPPY HOLIDAYS PPL! TAKE CARE!

xoxo

spm takers

GOOD LUCK
&&
ALL THE BEST!!

:)

xoxo

make my heart a better place

listening to :
All I Need by Within Tempation

" Don't turn me down
for all i need
make my heart a better place
give me something I can believe
Don't turn it down
what's left of me
make my heart a better place


i've tried many times but nothing was real
make it fade away
don't break me down
I want to believe that this is for real
save me from my fear
don't turn me down "

xoxo

you torment and i love

listening to :
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend
How to Dance With You (The Twelves Remix) by Black Kids

I reach for something I will never hold,
I will never have you because you are too cold.
You made me think I was inconvenient.
Now that I know otherwise, to you, I will not be lenient.


Freedom was something that never struck me as real,
And hope was something that I had to conceal.
Love, however, is not easy to forget,
This feeling I have, I may always regret.


But I still love you.
It doesn't matter how you make me feel or what you do.
I'll always care for you,
Even after all of those other girls you did pursue.
But I'll also never forgive myself for not letting go.
Through all of my pain, I still love you so.

xoxo

im my father's daughter .

or he would prefer, his " youngest sister " .



nvm bout that . i dont feel like updating much .
dad finally re-married .
good , now everyones happy .
anyways . dinner was erm , nothing special , or so i think . food was delicious and callie was red . *she drank too little, too much* lol
[ will explain soon ]



and, will post up more pictures too . meanwhile .. here's one .




i love my brother ;D




xoxo

and you never came back .

i was born when you kissed me .
i died when you left .
i lived a few weeks while you loved me .



xoxo

thanks .

ujin . nicky . ian korr . voonie . yuin .

for taking your time for me . and giving me advises . consoling me .
i really appreciate it .

THANKS

xoxo

your lips ; its just another bitter taste

i am bored .

" A bit of photoshop + makeup + studio lighting effects, even pork chops can become miss world "

hahaha . tht is soo true . Lol .

heee . marcus was just tellin me bout 'someone' . soon after , he said those line . if you know the whole convo , you'd definitely laugh .

but you know what , ignore that . you wouldnt get what im talkin bout .

anyhoo . i am STILL hating skewl . i got nominated as the "MOST OUTSTANDING STUDENT" , yet again . btw . the meaning as to the " most outstanding student" , so fort and all is --- not bein outstanding . bleh ..

hmm .. any of you been to club goddezz in solaris ? its fun ! :D its just next to 3 kingdom . small club , but nice music :)

oh notes to ...

` keeeweii : why cant the line get through when i sms you nowadays ?!?

` ming lin : hunn . msg me .

` stephiie : gotta hang out soon . loads of stuff to bitch bout ! heee x)

i guess thts all for now . gtg . bye

xoxo

once again .

im so sorry . i have no idea when i'll be able to come back online .
its either i pay rm 20 for friggin 10 mins to my rascals [bros] or whatsoever . heh
my laptop spoiled . therefore , it'll be - some time - till i get back .

im been busy much .
yesh , ive been studyin . theres nothing more to do . i think .
but yeah, exams on the way .

theres so much i wanna type down , but i dont have the time .
thanks yuin for scaring that scam bag . hahaha .
would love to hear more bout it someday soon .
tho i think ive seen her before . so, when i visit my fren in bu4 one day .
i'll find her and slap her for the both of us, especially for you . cause she deserves it . :D
and btw, love your posts .

lastly , keeeweii korr . i miss you . and ill post up your pictures soon kay .

and, right now .
i cant think . my brain's not malfunctioning properly atm . so whateverlah .



xoxo

hey people

for those who dont know . .

ive got another blog .
had it since last june or something . so yea , if youre ever bored . browse it if you want .
or better yet , dont . it'll bore you even more .
its just filled with poems and such . nothing much . but owels .


break apart my heart



xoxo

one step forward ; two steps back

" dead in her mind and cold to the bone ,
she opened her eyes and saw she was alone . "

xoxo

what`s goin on ?

my heart hurts .


i cant breathe properly .



xoxo

fuck you bitch !

i hate her . i cant stand her . all she wants to do is to get me into more trouble than i am already in . fine , called my mom and tell her bout my sleeping pills . so what ? she thinks that i'll go to skewl feeling all happy for her ? proud that im finally putting my mind on studyin ? or so she thinks .. always checkin up on me like im such a criminal . what , did i kill someone ? idiot . i cant even go to the toilet for more than 2 friggin minutes !! what is her problem ! always complaining tht i dont do my work . bitch , since when ?!! havent you noticed my grades ? asshole . i sleep in class ? who friggin doesnt ?!! after piles of work , dont we get to rest for a lil bit ? no .. she wouldnt allow . sayin GOD wouldnt like these kind of attitude . i dont believe in christianity anymore ! [ for those who are christians and is reading this , dont mind me , god would probably want you to stay out of other's ppl problem ] shesanolifefriggindogweedohimsorrythatyourhusbanddoesntloveyou ! i know she`s afraid of me , im the only student who told it off to her fagged face . you know what . i'll be less a bitch to her if she could just leave me alone ! or the rest of my frens as well . if this doesnt please her , why doesnt she ... do me a favor ? pretty please ? i dont think it'll be such a problem to her right ? if she cant stand such a rebellious / notorious student such as myself . why doesnt she just expel me ? she`s a friggin two-faced bitch ?!! i swear to whoever the fuck is , if she continues this . i will slap her . and sue her for sakes . she blacklisted my frens and i just so she can get what she wants ? what the hell ! there's nothing for her ! what the fuck does she want from me ? oh my dear , i dont think she knows that action speaks louder than words . fucktard . thinkin anyone likes her ? well , i aint gonna talk bout her daughter , i couldnt care less bout her . complained sayin that i like borrowing my ipod ? cant listen to heavy metal ? cant share drinks or food ?! i think she mistaken of some thing . sharing is caring . she took everything i ever liked in skewl . its a wonder why she`s the only one who we hate . you know what . i dont care anymore , at this point and time , this all aint worthy of my time . why should i waste my precious time on her ? fuck this life .

i only hurt me

thoughts
racing through
my mind


i try so hard
to keep control
inside


it`s not working
anymore
people can see


everything`s
always
agitating me


cant concentrate
on
anything


i feel myself
withdrawing
everyday

xoxo