Wednesday, December 31, 2008

im spending new years eve, alone .

had plans the day before new years eve, but the plan is constantly changing..


supposedly at first, i wanted to celebrate in MOS with Stephiiekins and Carlston. but i didnt felt right going there. i have my personal reasons for this.
then was planning to go to KL with Darren and thought of sleeping overnight at the hotel after countdown, but couldnt.
so back to Hartamas Square, just-like-every-year.
at the same time, had plans to go to Curve. probably to meet up with Melody, and then hang out with Leonard or Derek. could have met up with Yuin and Desmond too.


but my mood for the rest of the day, DIED.
why?


at first, i was allowed to go to curve. its a yes. but the woman ALWAYS have this last min pms mood and would feel like everything isnt right.
(im not done yet)
then, the younger bro just-couldnt-SHUT-his-friggin-mouth! he said that i was up to something. and im not allowed to go to curve, wtf?!!!! then mom's boyfren had to ruin everything. the old hag started talking bout crap, and that i shouldnt be able to celebrate outside with frens. lastly, my other bro tried to make things better for me. but ended up making a fool of me.


more things happened, but i couldnt care less to explain it. please excuse me.


i really hate this..




xoxo

Sunday, December 28, 2008

merry christmas!!

listening to :
Blue Jeans by Silvertide


like everyone else says.. better late than never, right?
but like nick says.. there's 12 days of christmas. so.. im, technically, not late, at all . lol


how was everyone's christmas?
mine was quite fun . spent it with the family . had lotsa lotsa fun kiddies games .
and presents!! :)
sorry.. desmond and elena for not being there in goddezz with you guys .
min hui and kai yi, sorry i didnt drop by mardigras that day .
did you guys had fun? :)


so for christmas this year, i sent christmas cards to my lovelies .
i thought, since im 16 this year . send 16 cards?
anyhoo . the christmas cards were sent to :


* Mika Pantaleo ; Hawaii
*Portia Ng ; New Zealand
* Aubrie Sloan ; USA
* Ronnie ; Canada
* Taunia ; Canada

 ( and the rest, Malaysia )

* Kee Wei
* U-Jin
*Melody
*Stephiiekins
* Leonard
* Voonie
* Zoran
* Jonathan
* Vivian
* Shev
* David

hope you all love your cards :)



NOTICE :
im currently blogging using my cousin's laptop, so i might not be online any sooner .
it is simply.. cause.. my laptop is being in repair and its to be reformat . not sure when i can get the laptop back, hmm..
DIE lar.. my songs.. how? D: D: D:


anyways.. HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance .
hope you all have a lovely still-on-going holiday! lol




xoxo

Saturday, December 20, 2008

tagged by kaiyi :)

listening to :
I Just Want It To Be Over by Keisha Cole feat. Alicia Keys




What is it that bothers you the most currently?
everything ;
im easily agitated and it really bothers me .


What is your favorite thing to do?
listening to music . shoppiiingg (:


What kind of news do you read?
car accidents ;
just wanna make sure no one i know is hurt .


What is your ultimate wish?
to travel around the world :)


Is there someone in your heart right now?
three of them; sean, mack and benjamin
they are deeply missed and forever etching in my heart


Do you believe you can survive without money?
HELL.FRIGGIN.NO!!
are you kidding? i spend money like water . go figure .


Are you afraid of pain?
not really, i kinda like the pain .
( heck for being a masochist)

What do you feel like doing right now?
i feel like lying down on the park ;
and find any possible stars i can see, to wish upon them


If you like someone, would you confess?
definitely, maybe .


List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
shweeet, friendly and great at playing the piano .


What is the 5 things you are currently passionate about?
* ice skating ; always have
* dancing
* music ; my diary , screaming out loud
* sport cars xp
* purrrpleee [ i will shoot those who dont know this ]


If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
chocolate xD


Rich or Happy?
i wanna be happy ..


What is your plan now?
* cricket sound * wait, i think i got something . erm.. nope . *cricket sound, still*<br>

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
derren said that he sees me being happy and alive .
hmm, do you?


What is one thing you love about yourself?
my lips ; i think its sexaay (x


If you could bring only one thing to another world, what would it be?
my ipod :O


Describe yourself in one word.
insane xD


Tag 8 people in your list. List them out & notify them.
* amira
* andrea tham
* esther loong
* juneybunny
* samantha claire
* shazzy khoo
* vinnie_the_pooh xp
* vivian





xoxo

Friday, December 19, 2008

happy 8teen birthday!

listening to :
Give It Up To Me by Sean Paul feat. Keisha Cole


hope you have a blast!
youre finally legal! =p heh


my utmost birthday wishes to ..
JASON VOON CHIN KIT :)

( i have no idea how old you were when this was taken )


thanks so much for your comfort, and for listening to me .
thanks for everything!
never once have i regretted knowing you :) even when we first met.. which reminded me bout the police episode back in feb >_<
we may have our rough times.. (well, technically, that would be me)
anyways..
whatever happened , youre still the one ill love most .
you brought a piece of happiness back into my life, it means so much to me . and what i appreciate most, is when you opened up to me bout the past and all .
youre a fren and always will be :)
not to mention.. i really, really miss your hugs.. =p

and im hoping that everything goes well for you no matter how many stars i have to wish upon to make that happen ♥




xoxo

FUCKING CIBAI POLICEMEN!!!!!

this has gotta be one of the worst day of my life!!!! i fucking hate all the cibai sohai bastards and my useless father!!! this would be the first time being experienced for being in a fucking jail!!! i seriously did nothing!! no drugs no nothing no whatsoever!! long story short.. when i walked out from a dvd shop, some rempits and lala chais came running towards my directions and pushed me down . the sohai policemen chasing after them has mistaken me as one of them!! blind issit?!!! kanasai!! i dont fucking give a shit, i wanna sue those cibais!!! i was put against the fucking car and i was fucking handcuffed!!! fucks i tell you . i seriously couldnt believe what was happening to me then, i kept thinking that i was having a terrible nightmare . hell, i was then sent to damansara police station .
called my father for help, mahai that asshole is in pangkor having fun! what the fucking shit was that?!!! i promised myself, never will i call my father in the hopes that he'll ever be there for me! in the end, called my cousin Anthony to help me . never in my 16 years of life was i scared like hell . i had no friggin idea what was goin on and i was fucking scared like shit! they had my urine tested . they had me questioned . alot of fucking shit happened!!! i can still rmbr myself cryin when i was behind bars, facing those fucking grey unpainted walls . and before Anthony managed to bring me out from there, he had to go through a slight prob cause he's not my father nor guardian, and i didnt have my fucking ic with me!!
you know what, i dont wanna rmbr this fucking night anymore! i spent countless hours in there and i hate it!! i really feel like murdering those fucking sohais!!
xoxo

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

happy birthday Leonard ! :)

listening to :
Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson


oooh.. someone's finally 7teen today!


just so you know..
spending time with you 3 hours before your birthday in curve yesterday was really something .
haha :)



gosh, i cant wait to see you at Zoran's party!!


hope you have a blast!
love you, dude ;]




xoxo

Friday, December 12, 2008

someone wise once told me this







don't look back in grief over the past, for it is gone. do not be troubled by the future, for it has yet to come. live in the present. and make is soo beautiful, that it will be worth the memory.

- Kee Wei ♥



xoxo

love me , leave me



The very first day of my life

Was the day that you let me go
It was a blessing in disguise
Now I see that I'm beautiful
If all we ever did was fight
We was so disfunctional
Now I've forgotten all the times
And all the days I was lovin you..


Just like a ghost from my past (he's come back to haunt me)
Saying that you want me back (but that's impossible so...)


Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone


Now there used to be a time
I would've taken you back again
But now without you on my mind
And I'm totally independent
So you can save your little lies
Cause i know whats happenin'
Your missin' me but say goodbye (yeah)
To all the days I was lovin' you


Just like a ghost from my past (he's come back to haunt me)
Saying that you want me back (but that's impossible so...)


Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone


If you really wanna help
Then you should go
Cause I promised myself
I'd let it alone
At the back of the shelf
Cause where i put what we had
I'll never going back, no


Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone





xoxo

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Jinnikins , my one and only

listening to :
Love Story by Taylor Swift


HAPPY
SENSATIONAL 7TEEN
BIRTHDAY
SWEETHEART!! ;D



she's my jinnikins xD


thats her in the middle . aint she prettyyy?


we used to be the closest fren, ever .

she was my girlfren (: someone who i could always talk to, regardless of what others may think . she was my shoulder to cry on, she was there when i lost Ben . almost anything that has happened, she was there .
she's someone who shares the same taste in clothes, food, drinks, movies, GUYS, the colur purple, and so on and so on..
the drummer girl who also used to sit next to me , but had to move to the other direction D: sorry that i made a big fuss bout it to the teachers .

many months ago, even tho we see each other every weekday in skewl, we'll still meet each other EVERY saturday without fail . tho we supposedly have plans with other frens, we either rain check the plans or whatever . cause sat was like our date, date . get it? lol


till disaster strike D:
that would be the drug episode..


we werent allowed to see each other, its like a bad break up . ( im sorry i costed you so much trouble! ) and tho we're now allowed to hang out again, we hardly have the time .
i know she misses me cause i miss her terribly too :O
whatever fuck happened, you'll always be a fren that ill always rmbr..
youre my one and only Jinnikins (:
you left footprints in my heart! (:


hope you have a sensational 7teen birthday !!
and may all your wishes come true!




xoxo

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

my life ..

listening to :
Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette


My life.



why do i worry?
why do i stress?
why has my life become a total mess?
why aren't i happy?
why aren't i free?
why cant my life be how i want it to be?
why do i bother?
why do i try?
it all ends in failure
and thats why i cry ..




xoxo

Thursday, December 4, 2008

i am trusting for the first time, in a long time

listening to :
Out Of Phase by Sugarcult




baby, to love you will be my joy and my pleasure
to love you will be my armor against the world
to love you will be one of the good things in my life
you make me feel alive again
it will be my pleasure, to love you




xoxo

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

youre the only thing that make senses to me

listening to :
Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat




yeah.. it is you i fell for
it is you whom i so much adore


it is your every word that makes my heart go glad
it is your absence that makes me so sad


it is your every act that is so sweet
it is your smile that makes my heart skip a beat


boy, im in love with you ♥




xoxo

new layout, yet again

listening to :
Hot 'n' Cold by Katy Perry


you like? ;D
i made this layout myself..
(click on the picts for a bigger view)

first thought of butterflies, and that adorable ladybug .
then that uberly weird picture .

gotta have A7X !!!

butterflies! :)

scribbles..

more and more BUTTERFLIES ! oh, and BLINGS!
bwahahhaha xD




xoxo

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

another cut, a lost of luck

listening to :
I Dont Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like me by Marilyn Manson


how can i forget you?
if the only love i know is you
how can i move on?
if life is not the same without you




it doesnt hurt when i talk to you
it hurts when you dont talk to me


it doesnt hurt when i tell you iloveyou
it hurts when you keep forgetting about it


it doesnt hurt when i worry about you
it hurts when you tell me not to


it doesnt hurt you being my friend
it hurt me being yours..



xoxo

Monday, December 1, 2008

its been awhile..



I can feel the chill go down my spine
Amazing i do this every time
It’s hard to forget the things ive been through
You’d want to die too if you only knew
The things i feel
Seem so unreal
Sometimes i feel i may never heal
I know i tend to miss the signs
It’s just hard for me to unwind
When i get to having an obsession
It doesnt help with my depression
I guess im checking in for another session
Sick of the drugs
But i never got hugs
So ive learned to deal with the mean mugs
Some say they get it
When was your last hit?
Just look at my wrist you can see they’ve been slit
I know i talk too much
It’s because im out of touch
I guess ill never feel free
It’s just the way i accept it to be
I dont expect anyone to love me




xoxo

where ive been?

listening to :

Love is Gone (Joachim Garraud & Fred Rister Remix) by David Guetta



and so i got this job for 3 days, to promote the face product Olay from 10am till 10pm for rm 100 a day .
i tell you, damn tiring!
mostly i was hoping for the time to pass by so i could go back home..
so..


1st day of work, friday

b4 working, went to starbucks! xD its been so long..
working was okay . i had fun working with Ashley, and tho we were supposed to have our breaks seperately. we didnt . instead during our last break, we went for a lil shopping ard the place, got ourselves a small treat and such . talking bout makes up and all . lols
met a few ppl while working/ having break ; Yun Xin, Yen Hao, Matthew, Adi, Ilyas and Jin Yin's mom xD
after work, starbucks with Daniel and Ashley . when i got home, went to Rasta and shisha-ed with Edwin and David .



2nd day of work, saturday

starbucks in the morning again..
got a new colleague, Shi Min, shes okay i guess.. that day, it was quite a busy for us . alot more ppl came and bought the Olay product . and even more, there was this malay guy who came and stole two Olay eye cream . one's worth rm69.69 . he stole two, and he got caught (:

went for late lunch during my break with Daniel . supposely i were to belanja him makan, we ate in secret recipe, but he paid even b4 i could take my money out . so yea, thats the time i 'accidentally took' his rm200 xD then went to starbucks later on, i paid with Daniel's money . all the while, he's been so blur, he didnt realised that his money was with me . tsk.. after i got back to work, and hours later, Daniel called . he wants his money back xD

" hey Daniel, i really didnt steal your money kay . i ' ACCIDENTALLY TOOK' your money . "

Lol.. so now i owe him a hot gf -__- and Ivan was there, he was damn funny being a fool playing with the toys, girls clothes and pads xD after work, went to starbucks with Daniel again xD ( to return his money ) an hour later, got back home, and Carmen was adi in my hse ._.



3rd day of work, Sunday

no starbucks in the morning =(
during my first break.. no, it wasnt to starbucks . instead i went to the game center and wasted my time there playing racing cars xD i didnt like working that day, soo damn little customers . saw my babe Vivian! :) soon after, got a msg from David saying that he couldnt fetch me back home from work . sms-ed a few ppl, all no reply . then Alex called, he said he might be fetching me back, or so . then Daniel smsed me .


this is what happened when you sms a few ppl and then almost by the end of the day, most of them reply :/ so, i had to decide who to fetch me back . in the end, i decided that Daniel should fetch me back, since he was gonna come by kota anyway . i smsed back to the others saying that ive got transport . later then, Jason Voon called me, saying that he wants me to teman him after work . so i thought, sure, ive not seen him for so long (one month long ;p) and yesh, i missed that bugger (: when Daniel came, i told him to drop me off at Jason's condo . to be noted, I LOVE DANIEL's CAR! okay, not his car, but all his soft toys in his car . ive got the same ones too! lmao (x

after he dropped me off at Jason's condo, i went to the park to find Jason, saw him lying on the slide -__- soon, went into his room, all the memories came flooded back into my mind . nothing's changed, and i still love the view from his window . all the lights! :D after that, we had a talk . never in my life have i felt so much emotion in a day, it felt good . it was real nice spending time with him, i had fun cause he was being such a kid . so b4 i got back home, we went for a lil drifting for a very short while xD hmm.. why issit that everytime im out with Jason, i get myself grounded by the woman .

sighs, she hates him adi . but whyyyyyy?! :(



p.s., rmbr what you promised me . im trusting you .

plus, you owe me a day in the theme park xD




xoxo

just a glimpse; with you ard, i feel alive

will edit this post soon.. now's its just mixed up



im happy . and im really heart broken, but im smiling .


ive no idea why .


its been so long since ive been this alive .
its a like a sparkle . a glimpse of something, where no words can say .


im not sure if i can ever love again
but i do hope you'll have hope someday
i appreciate for all you are and how you are to me
i appreciate your honesty
i love your smile
and the way you say my name
i fucking miss your hugs..
i love the way you look at me
and how you were such a kid
you bought a piece of happiness back into my life
i thought, i thought ive lost you
but i was wrong..
you were there all along
and tho i cant be with you
i'll wait..
and if i lose hope
at least you'll still be there
youll always be a part of me
a part where i can look back and smile
ill always love you



xoxo