im spending new years eve, alone .

had plans the day before new years eve, but the plan is constantly changing..

supposedly at first, i wanted to celebrate in MOS with Stephiiekins and Carlston. but i didnt felt right going there. i have my personal reasons for this.
then was planning to go to KL with Darren and thought of sleeping overnight at the hotel after countdown, but couldnt.
so back to Hartamas Square, just-like-every-year.
at the same time, had plans to go to Curve. probably to meet up with Melody, and then hang out with Leonard or Derek. could have met up with Yuin and Desmond too.


but my mood for the rest of the day, DIED.
why?


at first, i was allowed to go to curve. its a yes. but the woman ALWAYS have this last min pms mood and would feel like everything isnt right.
(im not done yet)
then, the younger bro just-couldnt-SHUT-his-friggin-mouth! he said that i was up to something. and im not allowed to go to curve, wtf?!!!! then mom's boyfren had to ruin everything. the old hag started talking bout crap, and that i shouldnt be able to celebrate outside with frens. lastly, my other bro tried to make things better for me. but ended up making a fool of me.


more things happened, but i couldnt care less to explain it. please excuse me.


i really hate this..

xoxo

merry christmas!!

listening to :

Blue Jeans by Silvertide

like everyone else says.. better late than never, right?

but like nick says.. there's 12 days of christmas. so.. im, technically, not late, at all . lol

how was everyone's christmas?

mine was quite fun . spent it with the family . had lotsa lotsa fun kiddies games .

and presents!! :)

sorry.. desmond and elena for not being there in goddezz with you guys .

min hui and kai yi, sorry i didnt drop by mardigras that day .

did you guys had fun? :)

so for christmas this year, i sent christmas cards to my lovelies .

i thought, since im 16 this year . send 16 cards?

anyhoo . the christmas cards were sent to :

* Mika Pantaleo ; Hawaii

*Portia Ng ; New Zealand

* Aubrie Sloan ; USA

* Ronnie ; Canada

* Taunia ; Canada

 ( and the rest, Malaysia )

* Kee Wei

* U-Jin

*Melody

*Stephiiekins

* Leonard

* Voonie

* Zoran

* Jonathan

* Vivian

* Shev

* David

hope you all love your cards :)

NOTICE :

im currently blogging using my cousin's laptop, so i might not be online any sooner .

it is simply.. cause.. my laptop is being in repair and its to be reformat . not sure when i can get the laptop back, hmm..

DIE lar.. my songs.. how? D: D: D:

anyways.. HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance .

hope you all have a lovely still-on-going holiday! lol

xoxo

tagged by kaiyi :)

listening to :

I Just Want It To Be Over by Keisha Cole feat. Alicia Keys

What is it that bothers you the most currently?
everything ;
im easily agitated and it really bothers me .


What is your favorite thing to do?
listening to music . shoppiiingg (:


What kind of news do you read?
car accidents ;
just wanna make sure no one i know is hurt .


What is your ultimate wish?
to travel around the world :)


Is there someone in your heart right now?
three of them; sean, mack and benjamin
they are deeply missed and forever etching in my heart


Do you believe you can survive without money?
HELL.FRIGGIN.NO!!
are you kidding? i spend money like water . go figure .


Are you afraid of pain?
not really, i kinda like the pain .
( heck for being a masochist)

What do you feel like doing right now?
i feel like lying down on the park ;
and find any possible stars i can see, to wish upon them


If you like someone, would you confess?
definitely, maybe .


List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
shweeet, friendly and great at playing the piano .


What is the 5 things you are currently passionate about?
* ice skating ; always have
* dancing
* music ; my diary , screaming out loud
* sport cars xp
* purrrpleee [ i will shoot those who dont know this ]


If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
chocolate xD


Rich or Happy?
i wanna be happy ..


What is your plan now?
* cricket sound * wait, i think i got something . erm.. nope . *cricket sound, still*<br>

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
derren said that he sees me being happy and alive .
hmm, do you?


What is one thing you love about yourself?
my lips ; i think its sexaay (x


If you could bring only one thing to another world, what would it be?
my ipod :O


Describe yourself in one word.
insane xD


Tag 8 people in your list. List them out & notify them.
* amira
* andrea tham
* esther loong

* juneybunny

* samantha claire
* shazzy khoo
* vinnie_the_pooh xp
* vivian

xoxo

happy 8teen birthday!

listening to :
Give It Up To Me by Sean Paul feat. Keisha Cole

hope you have a blast!
youre finally legal! =p heh


my utmost birthday wishes to ..
JASON VOON CHIN KIT :)

( i have no idea how old you were when this was taken )

thanks so much for your comfort, and for listening to me .
thanks for everything!
never once have i regretted knowing you :) even when we first met.. which reminded me bout the police episode back in feb >_<
we may have our rough times.. (well, technically, that would be me)
anyways..
whatever happened , youre still the one ill love most .
you brought a piece of happiness back into my life, it means so much to me . and what i appreciate most, is when you opened up to me bout the past and all .
youre a fren and always will be :)
not to mention.. i really, really miss your hugs.. =p

and im hoping that everything goes well for you no matter how many stars i have to wish upon to make that happen ♥

xoxo

FUCKING CIBAI POLICEMEN!!!!!

this has gotta be one of the worst day of my life!!!! i fucking hate all the cibai sohai bastards and my useless father!!! this would be the first time being experienced for being in a fucking jail!!! i seriously did nothing!! no drugs no nothing no whatsoever!! long story short.. when i walked out from a dvd shop, some rempits and lala chais came running towards my directions and pushed me down . the sohai policemen chasing after them has mistaken me as one of them!! blind issit?!!! kanasai!! i dont fucking give a shit, i wanna sue those cibais!!! i was put against the fucking car and i was fucking handcuffed!!! fucks i tell you . i seriously couldnt believe what was happening to me then, i kept thinking that i was having a terrible nightmare . hell, i was then sent to damansara police station .

called my father for help, mahai that asshole is in pangkor having fun! what the fucking shit was that?!!! i promised myself, never will i call my father in the hopes that he'll ever be there for me! in the end, called my cousin Anthony to help me . never in my 16 years of life was i scared like hell . i had no friggin idea what was goin on and i was fucking scared like shit! they had my urine tested . they had me questioned . alot of fucking shit happened!!! i can still rmbr myself cryin when i was behind bars, facing those fucking grey unpainted walls . and before Anthony managed to bring me out from there, he had to go through a slight prob cause he's not my father nor guardian, and i didnt have my fucking ic with me!!

you know what, i dont wanna rmbr this fucking night anymore! i spent countless hours in there and i hate it!! i really feel like murdering those fucking sohais!!

xoxo

happy birthday Leonard ! :)

listening to :
Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson

oooh.. someone's finally 7teen today!


just so you know..
spending time with you 3 hours before your birthday in curve yesterday was really something .
haha :)



gosh, i cant wait to see you at Zoran's party!!


hope you have a blast!
love you, dude ;]

xoxo

someone wise once told me this

don't look back in grief over the past, for it is gone. do not be troubled by the future, for it has yet to come. live in the present. and make is soo beautiful, that it will be worth the memory.

- Kee Wei ♥

xoxo

love me , leave me

The very first day of my life
Was the day that you let me go
It was a blessing in disguise
Now I see that I'm beautiful
If all we ever did was fight
We was so disfunctional
Now I've forgotten all the times
And all the days I was lovin you..


Just like a ghost from my past (he's come back to haunt me)
Saying that you want me back (but that's impossible so...)


Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone


Now there used to be a time
I would've taken you back again
But now without you on my mind
And I'm totally independent
So you can save your little lies
Cause i know whats happenin'
Your missin' me but say goodbye (yeah)
To all the days I was lovin' you


Just like a ghost from my past (he's come back to haunt me)
Saying that you want me back (but that's impossible so...)


Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone


If you really wanna help
Then you should go
Cause I promised myself
I'd let it alone
At the back of the shelf
Cause where i put what we had
I'll never going back, no


Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone

xoxo

just D.A.N.C.E! its gonna be okay

Just D.A.N.C.E! ;)




Just Dance ( Remix )

xoxo

until you love me ♥

Paparazzi



oooh, im sooo loving Lady Gaga! xD

xoxo

and baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun (x

POKER FACE! ;D

xoxo

Jinnikins , my one and only

listening to :

Love Story by Taylor Swift

HAPPY
SENSATIONAL 7TEEN
BIRTHDAY
SWEETHEART!! ;D

she's my jinnikins xD

thats her in the middle . aint she prettyyy?


we used to be the closest fren, ever .

she was my girlfren (: someone who i could always talk to, regardless of what others may think . she was my shoulder to cry on, she was there when i lost Ben . almost anything that has happened, she was there .
she's someone who shares the same taste in clothes, food, drinks, movies, GUYS, the colur purple, and so on and so on..
the drummer girl who also used to sit next to me , but had to move to the other direction D: sorry that i made a big fuss bout it to the teachers .

many months ago, even tho we see each other every weekday in skewl, we'll still meet each other EVERY saturday without fail . tho we supposedly have plans with other frens, we either rain check the plans or whatever . cause sat was like our date, date . get it? lol


till disaster strike D:
that would be the drug episode..


we werent allowed to see each other, its like a bad break up . ( im sorry i costed you so much trouble! ) and tho we're now allowed to hang out again, we hardly have the time .
i know she misses me cause i miss her terribly too :O
whatever fuck happened, you'll always be a fren that ill always rmbr..
youre my one and only Jinnikins (:
you left footprints in my heart! (:


hope you have a sensational 7teen birthday !!
and may all your wishes come true!

xoxo

my life ..

listening to :
Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette

My life.

why do i worry?
why do i stress?
why has my life become a total mess?
why aren't i happy?
why aren't i free?
why cant my life be how i want it to be?
why do i bother?
why do i try?
it all ends in failure
and thats why i cry ..

xoxo

i am trusting for the first time, in a long time

listening to :
Out Of Phase by Sugarcult

baby, to love you will be my joy and my pleasure
to love you will be my armor against the world
to love you will be one of the good things in my life
you make me feel alive again
it will be my pleasure, to love you

xoxo

youre the only thing that make senses to me

listening to :

Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

yeah.. it is you i fell for
it is you whom i so much adore


it is your every word that makes my heart go glad
it is your absence that makes me so sad


it is your every act that is so sweet
it is your smile that makes my heart skip a beat


boy, im in love with you ♥

xoxo

new layout, yet again

listening to :
Hot 'n' Cold by Katy Perry

you like? ;D

i made this layout myself..
(click on the picts for a bigger view)

first thought of butterflies, and that adorable ladybug .
then that uberly weird picture .

gotta have A7X !!!

butterflies! :)

scribbles..

more and more BUTTERFLIES ! oh, and BLINGS!
bwahahhaha xD

xoxo

another cut, a lost of luck

listening to :
I Dont Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like me by Marilyn Manson

how can i forget you?
if the only love i know is you
how can i move on?
if life is not the same without you

it doesnt hurt when i talk to you
it hurts when you dont talk to me


it doesnt hurt when i tell you iloveyou
it hurts when you keep forgetting about it


it doesnt hurt when i worry about you
it hurts when you tell me not to


it doesnt hurt you being my friend
it hurt me being yours..

xoxo

its been awhile..

I can feel the chill go down my spine
Amazing i do this every time
It’s hard to forget the things ive been through
You’d want to die too if you only knew
The things i feel
Seem so unreal
Sometimes i feel i may never heal
I know i tend to miss the signs
It’s just hard for me to unwind
When i get to having an obsession
It doesnt help with my depression
I guess im checking in for another session
Sick of the drugs
But i never got hugs
So ive learned to deal with the mean mugs
Some say they get it
When was your last hit?
Just look at my wrist you can see they’ve been slit
I know i talk too much
It’s because im out of touch
I guess ill never feel free
It’s just the way i accept it to be
I dont expect anyone to love me

xoxo

where ive been?

listening to :

Love is Gone (Joachim Garraud & Fred Rister Remix) by David Guetta

and so i got this job for 3 days, to promote the face product Olay from 10am till 10pm for rm 100 a day .
i tell you, damn tiring!
mostly i was hoping for the time to pass by so i could go back home..
so..

1st day of work, friday

b4 working, went to starbucks! xD its been so long..
working was okay . i had fun working with Ashley, and tho we were supposed to have our breaks seperately. we didnt . instead during our last break, we went for a lil shopping ard the place, got ourselves a small treat and such . talking bout makes up and all . lols
met a few ppl while working/ having break ; Yun Xin, Yen Hao, Matthew, Adi, Ilyas and Jin Yin's mom xD
after work, starbucks with Daniel and Ashley . when i got home, went to Rasta and shisha-ed with Edwin and David .



2nd day of work, saturday

starbucks in the morning again..
got a new colleague, Shi Min, shes okay i guess.. that day, it was quite a busy for us . alot more ppl came and bought the Olay product . and even more, there was this malay guy who came and stole two Olay eye cream . one's worth rm69.69 . he stole two, and he got caught (:

went for late lunch during my break with Daniel . supposely i were to belanja him makan, we ate in secret recipe, but he paid even b4 i could take my money out . so yea, thats the time i 'accidentally took' his rm200 xD then went to starbucks later on, i paid with Daniel's money . all the while, he's been so blur, he didnt realised that his money was with me . tsk.. after i got back to work, and hours later, Daniel called . he wants his money back xD

" hey Daniel, i really didnt steal your money kay . i ' ACCIDENTALLY TOOK' your money . "

Lol.. so now i owe him a hot gf -__- and Ivan was there, he was damn funny being a fool playing with the toys, girls clothes and pads xD after work, went to starbucks with Daniel again xD ( to return his money ) an hour later, got back home, and Carmen was adi in my hse ._.

3rd day of work, Sunday

no starbucks in the morning =(
during my first break.. no, it wasnt to starbucks . instead i went to the game center and wasted my time there playing racing cars xD i didnt like working that day, soo damn little customers . saw my babe Vivian! :) soon after, got a msg from David saying that he couldnt fetch me back home from work . sms-ed a few ppl, all no reply . then Alex called, he said he might be fetching me back, or so . then Daniel smsed me .

this is what happened when you sms a few ppl and then almost by the end of the day, most of them reply :/ so, i had to decide who to fetch me back . in the end, i decided that Daniel should fetch me back, since he was gonna come by kota anyway . i smsed back to the others saying that ive got transport . later then, Jason Voon called me, saying that he wants me to teman him after work . so i thought, sure, ive not seen him for so long (one month long ;p) and yesh, i missed that bugger (: when Daniel came, i told him to drop me off at Jason's condo . to be noted, I LOVE DANIEL's CAR! okay, not his car, but all his soft toys in his car . ive got the same ones too! lmao (x

after he dropped me off at Jason's condo, i went to the park to find Jason, saw him lying on the slide -__- soon, went into his room, all the memories came flooded back into my mind . nothing's changed, and i still love the view from his window . all the lights! :D after that, we had a talk . never in my life have i felt so much emotion in a day, it felt good . it was real nice spending time with him, i had fun cause he was being such a kid . so b4 i got back home, we went for a lil drifting for a very short while xD hmm.. why issit that everytime im out with Jason, i get myself grounded by the woman .

sighs, she hates him adi . but whyyyyyy?! :(



p.s., rmbr what you promised me . im trusting you .

plus, you owe me a day in the theme park xD

xoxo

just a glimpse; with you ard, i feel alive

will edit this post soon.. now's its just mixed up

im happy . and im really heart broken, but im smiling .


ive no idea why .


its been so long since ive been this alive .
its a like a sparkle . a glimpse of something, where no words can say .


im not sure if i can ever love again
but i do hope you'll have hope someday
i appreciate for all you are and how you are to me
i appreciate your honesty
i love your smile
and the way you say my name
i fucking miss your hugs..
i love the way you look at me
and how you were such a kid
you bought a piece of happiness back into my life
i thought, i thought ive lost you
but i was wrong..
you were there all along
and tho i cant be with you
i'll wait..
and if i lose hope
at least you'll still be there
youll always be a part of me
a part where i can look back and smile
ill always love you

xoxo

love and memories

by O.A.R ( Of A Revolutions )

Lovely, you're always lovely
A vision
You were the one
Now I am stuck inside a memory
You forgot about our destiny
You buried me
Didn't you?
Didn't you?


Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound


You're always floating
A vapor
That I couldn't see
Here I am stuck inside a yesterday
Everything has given way
You fell from me
Didn't you?
Didn't you?


Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories


Maybe I am a crowded mind
I watch your eyes glaze over
Stared down at the floor
You were amazing to me
I was amazing to you
But here we go again


Didn't you
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

xoxo

tagged by min hui :)

listening to :
Happy Apple Poison by Lovedrug

1. Who is your ONE best friend?
Mika Pantaleo
my bestfren who ive just recently got married to :D

2. How long do you know him/her?
more than a year

3. this question seems to be missing..

4. Is the person that tagged you your best friend?
she's a good fren of mine :)

5. Describe the person that tagged you.
she's shweeet :) caring and lovable too . haha

6. How do you get to know the person that tagged you?
we were skewlmates

7. Ever regretted from knowing some friend?
i dont regret . its more of a lesson to be learned..

8. If your best friend betrayed you, what will you do?
burn everything she ever gave me, all those heart warming letters and such D:
BUT, i trust her and i doubt she'll betray me .

9. It's your best friend birthday. What would you give him/her?
melted chocolate on strawberry cake and champagne :) her favorite :D
or maybe something else in mind =p

10. Say something grateful to your best friend.
Mika's my strawberry ichigo . my evil twin, my bitch ;D . she understood how much i was hurt, and how much i had to go through . and no matter what, she's always there to whine things up and turn my grey days to one of the brightest :D we have soo much in common and never once has she judged me . hunney, i miss you much and i love you to the very top!

xoxo

tagged by esther :)

listening to :
Viva La Vida by Coldplay

rules :
- Pick your month .
- Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you .

- Bold (or italicize) the best apply to you .

- Copy to your own blog , with all twelve months .

- Tag 10 people

January

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

February

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

March

Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

April

Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

May

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

June

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.Talk ative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

July

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties instudy ing. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

August

Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

September

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

October

Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

November

Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

December

Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

>>>>>>>>>

>>>>

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February

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

&& i tag anyone whos bored, lol

xoxo

breaking memories

early this morning ard 7, david came and pick me up to have breakfast . had some long talk with him . as david has always been the wise fren or something . he's been telling me how i should be thinking more bout my life than waste my time on foolish things . i hate to admit, but he's right .

anyways, an hour or so after that . the both of us went to visit ben's grave .

i still rmbr the day he passed away . i was in skewl and i got this call saying that he passed away.. everything all came in fast motion, i didnt believe it . i didnt wanna believe it at all.. everyone in skewl could see how devastated i was . where after that, jin yin was there to comfort me as i had to call nick to tell him bout the bad news . neither could nick believed what happened . it seems just like yesterday they were talking to each other .

the next day of his funeral, i didnt attend.. i didnt go and pay my last respect .
instead i was out in curve and then dinner at this korean bbq restaurant with a few ppl .


what kind of a fren was i?


i was in denial .
i lost sean . and early this year, i lost mack . and i refused to have lost ben .
i wasnt a good fren at all .. i felt so alone . and coming back home was the worst thing to do . remembering that he used to come by to see how i was coping, remembering him using my laptop, remembering his lame jokes, everything . i missed him so .

i went to see him the next morning . but it wasnt the same .
saying my last goodbye to him was one of my most difficult moment .

when we reached.. while i was still in the car, refusing to get out, with the flowers on my lap, i started to cry.. thinking that this is all that i deserve, mayb i wasnt meant to be happy . but i finally got out .
standing in front, seeing his tiny picture on this craved stone made me weak, i felt like breaking down .




why?
why have i lost the ones i love most?

xoxo

favorite mistake

by October Fall

To you my favorite mistake
it looks like a second too late
use these words to slit your throat
i meant the words i just wrote


your sick of trying, so am i
you tried another suicide
next time... cut harder


promote your flaws
show your mistakes
6 feet underground
you dig your own grave (2x)

this lead to a loss of sleep
forget you can't forget me
another cut, a loss of blood
why aren't you happy when done


your sick of trying, so am i
you tried another suicide
next time... cut harder


promote your flaws
show your mistakes
6 feet underground
you dig your own grave (2x)


we'll cut harder


promote your flaws
show your mistakes
6 feet underground
you dig your own grave (2x)

xoxo

in times like these, i just wanna die

I tried to die. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. For being selfish. For being intolerable. For being irritating. For trying too hard. For saying the wrong things. For hurting innocent people. For making people cry. For pushing those that cared away. For not knowing how to make things right. I'm sorry for not being as well polished as everyone around me. I'm sorry for not being good enough. I'm sorry for not being smart enough. I'm sorry for not being talented enough, an excellent mind. I'm sorry if you regret wasting your time and money on me. I'm sorry you have to compare me to everyone else, because I'm not what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not coruscating as brightly as the other girls. I apologize for giving you a reason to scream, shout, hit me everyday. I'm sorry you have to look at me with disgust. I'm sorry the thought of disowning me ever crossed your mind. I'm sorry for not being an outstanding individual, daughter, friend. Person. I hope you forgive me for not trying to change, even though I know its for my own well being. I hope you forgive me, for procrastinating, for ignoring, for laughing, for cursing, for disappointing. All those times you needed me, and I wasn't there. Please don't hate me for being prone to jealousy, to perfection. To anything remotely better than I. Please don't think lesser of me, please don't see me as fraudulant and wrathful. Please don't turn away from me, for being different. Please don't say I am everything you stand against. I am begging you. To not question how I think. To not look at me with hate, to not condemn me. To not criticize the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I look, the way I am. To not label me. To not exclude me, for I do feel, I do. And I want to be apart of whatever. To not judge me on appearance. To not give up on me. I do not wish to be worthless. I do not want you to cry for me, I do not want to cry for myself. I do not want you to cry for me, I do not want to cry for myself. I do not want to look at other people, and want to be more like them. For I have told myself, that I will not be defined by what others are. I do not possess the power to make anyone happy, I try. I am not a good person, I have done things that I am not proud of. I am a fake. I am weak. I am a coward. I am condemned. I am selfish. I am inadequate. I am rude. I am immature. I am unbareable. I am temperamental. I am worthless. I am insignificant. I am nothing. I am useless. Now, would you believe me if I said I didn't need you ? 'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.

xxx

broken wings by flyleaf

currently my favourite song :)

Thank you for being
such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you
how much you mean to me
Oh you're everything to me
I'm thinkin all the time
how to tell what I feel
I'm contimplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity


And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed


Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please?
We can dance together
and we can dance forever


Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream


Close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
and please pass me some memories
But I fall you're underneath
a thousand broken hearts
Carried by a thousand broken wings
A thousand broken wings

xoxo