WhatsLeftBehind

im spending new years eve, alone .

2008-12-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

had plans the day before new years eve, but the plan is constantly changing..

supposedly at first, i wanted to celebrate in MOS with Stephiiekins and Carlston. but i didnt felt right going there. i have my personal reasons for this.
then was planning to go to KL with Darren and thought of sleeping overnight at the hotel after countdown, but couldnt.
so back to Hartamas Square, just-like-every-year.
at the same time, had plans to go to Curve. probably to meet up with Melody, and then hang out with Leonard or Derek. could have met up with Yuin and Desmond too.

but my mood for the rest of the day, DIED.
why?

at first, i was allowed to go to curve. its a yes. but the woman ALWAYS have this last min pms mood and would feel like everything isnt right.
(im not done yet)
then, the younger bro just-couldnt-SHUT-his-friggin-mouth! he said that i was up to something. and im not allowed to go to curve, wtf?!!!! then mom's boyfren had to ruin everything. the old hag started talking bout crap, and that i shouldnt be able to celebrate outside with frens. lastly, my other bro tried to make things better for me. but ended up making a fool of me.

more things happened, but i couldnt care less to explain it. please excuse me.

i really hate this..

xoxo

merry christmas!!

2008-12-28T20:50:00.001+08:00

listening to :

Blue Jeans by Silvertide

like everyone else says.. better late than never, right?

but like nick says.. there's 12 days of christmas. so.. im, technically, not late, at all . lol

how was everyone's christmas?

mine was quite fun . spent it with the family . had lotsa lotsa fun kiddies games .

and presents!! :)

sorry.. desmond and elena for not being there in goddezz with you guys .

min hui and kai yi, sorry i didnt drop by mardigras that day .

did you guys had fun? :)

so for christmas this year, i sent christmas cards to my lovelies .

i thought, since im 16 this year . send 16 cards?

anyhoo . the christmas cards were sent to :

* Mika Pantaleo ; Hawaii

*Portia Ng ; New Zealand

* Aubrie Sloan ; USA

* Ronnie ; Canada

* Taunia ; Canada

( and the rest, Malaysia )

* Kee Wei

* U-Jin

*Melody

*Stephiiekins

* Leonard

* Voonie

* Zoran

* Jonathan

* Vivian

* Shev

* David

hope you all love your cards :)

NOTICE :

im currently blogging using my cousin's laptop, so i might not be online any sooner .

it is simply.. cause.. my laptop is being in repair and its to be reformat . not sure when i can get the laptop back, hmm..

DIE lar.. my songs.. how? D: D: D:

anyways.. HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance .

hope you all have a lovely still-on-going holiday! lol

xoxo

tagged by kaiyi :)

2008-12-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

listening to :

I Just Want It To Be Over by Keisha Cole feat. Alicia Keys

What is it that bothers you the most currently?
everything ;
im easily agitated and it really bothers me .

What is your favorite thing to do?
listening to music . shoppiiingg (:

What kind of news do you read?
car accidents ;
just wanna make sure no one i know is hurt .

What is your ultimate wish?
to travel around the world :)

Is there someone in your heart right now?
three of them; sean, mack and benjamin
they are deeply missed and forever etching in my heart

Do you believe you can survive without money?
HELL.FRIGGIN.NO!!
are you kidding? i spend money like water . go figure .

Are you afraid of pain?
not really, i kinda like the pain .
( heck for being a masochist)

What do you feel like doing right now?
i feel like lying down on the park ;
and find any possible stars i can see, to wish upon them

If you like someone, would you confess?
definitely, maybe .

List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
shweeet, friendly and great at playing the piano .

What is the 5 things you are currently passionate about?
* ice skating ; always have
* dancing
* music ; my diary , screaming out loud
* sport cars xp
* purrrpleee [ i will shoot those who dont know this ]

If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
chocolate xD

Rich or Happy?
i wanna be happy ..

What is your plan now?
* cricket sound * wait, i think i got something . erm.. nope . *cricket sound, still*<br>

Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
derren said that he sees me being happy and alive .
hmm, do you?

What is one thing you love about yourself?
my lips ; i think its sexaay (x

If you could bring only one thing to another world, what would it be?
my ipod :O

Describe yourself in one word.
insane xD

Tag 8 people in your list. List them out & notify them.
* amira
* andrea tham
* esther loong

* juneybunny

* samantha claire
* shazzy khoo
* vinnie_the_pooh xp
* vivian

xoxo

happy 8teen birthday!

2008-12-19T03:55:00.002+08:00

listening to :
Give It Up To Me by Sean Paul feat. Keisha Cole

hope you have a blast!
youre finally legal! =p heh

my utmost birthday wishes to ..
JASON VOON CHIN KIT :)

( i have no idea how old you were when this was taken )

thanks so much for your comfort, and for listening to me .
thanks for everything!
never once have i regretted knowing you :) even when we first met.. which reminded me bout the police episode back in feb >_<
we may have our rough times.. (well, technically, that would be me)
anyways..
whatever happened , youre still the one ill love most .
you brought a piece of happiness back into my life, it means so much to me . and what i appreciate most, is when you opened up to me bout the past and all .
youre a fren and always will be :)
not to mention.. i really, really miss your hugs.. =p

and im hoping that everything goes well for you no matter how many stars i have to wish upon to make that happen ♥

xoxo

FUCKING CIBAI POLICEMEN!!!!!

2008-12-19T01:50:00.002+08:00

this has gotta be one of the worst day of my life!!!! i fucking hate all the cibai sohai bastards and my useless father!!! this would be the first time being experienced for being in a fucking jail!!! i seriously did nothing!! no drugs no nothing no whatsoever!! long story short.. when i walked out from a dvd shop, some rempits and lala chais came running towards my directions and pushed me down . the sohai policemen chasing after them has mistaken me as one of them!! blind issit?!!! kanasai!! i dont fucking give a shit, i wanna sue those cibais!!! i was put against the fucking car and i was fucking handcuffed!!! fucks i tell you . i seriously couldnt believe what was happening to me then, i kept thinking that i was having a terrible nightmare . hell, i was then sent to damansara police station .

called my father for help, mahai that asshole is in pangkor having fun! what the fucking shit was that?!!! i promised myself, never will i call my father in the hopes that he'll ever be there for me! in the end, called my cousin Anthony to help me . never in my 16 years of life was i scared like hell . i had no friggin idea what was goin on and i was fucking scared like shit! they had my urine tested . they had me questioned . alot of fucking shit happened!!! i can still rmbr myself cryin when i was behind bars, facing those fucking grey unpainted walls . and before Anthony managed to bring me out from there, he had to go through a slight prob cause he's not my father nor guardian, and i didnt have my fucking ic with me!!

you know what, i dont wanna rmbr this fucking night anymore! i spent countless hours in there and i hate it!! i really feel like murdering those fucking sohais!!

xoxo

happy birthday Leonard ! :)

2008-12-17T21:50:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson

oooh.. someone's finally 7teen today!

just so you know..
spending time with you 3 hours before your birthday in curve yesterday was really something .
haha :)

gosh, i cant wait to see you at Zoran's party!!

hope you have a blast!
love you, dude ;]

xoxo

someone wise once told me this

2008-12-12T03:00:00.003+08:00

don't look back in grief over the past, for it is gone. do not be troubled by the future, for it has yet to come. live in the present. and make is soo beautiful, that it will be worth the memory.

- Kee Wei ♥

xoxo

love me , leave me

2008-12-12T00:20:00.001+08:00

The very first day of my life
Was the day that you let me go
It was a blessing in disguise
Now I see that I'm beautiful
If all we ever did was fight
We was so disfunctional
Now I've forgotten all the times
And all the days I was lovin you..

Just like a ghost from my past (he's come back to haunt me)
Saying that you want me back (but that's impossible so...)

Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone

Now there used to be a time
I would've taken you back again
But now without you on my mind
And I'm totally independent
So you can save your little lies
Cause i know whats happenin'
Your missin' me but say goodbye (yeah)
To all the days I was lovin' you

Just like a ghost from my past (he's come back to haunt me)
Saying that you want me back (but that's impossible so...)

Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone

If you really wanna help
Then you should go
Cause I promised myself
I'd let it alone
At the back of the shelf
Cause where i put what we had
I'll never going back, no

Love me, leave me
Cause I've already closed that door
Don't want to be
In that pain I've felt before
If I only could be myself
Without your approval anymore
So love me, leave me
If you love me leave me alone

xoxo

just D.A.N.C.E! its gonna be okay

2008-12-11T04:15:00.001+08:00

Just D.A.N.C.E! ;)

Just Dance ( Remix )

xoxo

until you love me ♥

2008-12-11T04:10:00.002+08:00

Paparazzi

oooh, im sooo loving Lady Gaga! xD

xoxo

and baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun (x

2008-12-11T04:05:00.001+08:00

POKER FACE! ;D

xoxo

Jinnikins , my one and only

2008-12-10T22:15:00.004+08:00

listening to :

Love Story by Taylor Swift

HAPPY
SENSATIONAL 7TEEN
BIRTHDAY
SWEETHEART!! ;D

she's my jinnikins xD

thats her in the middle . aint she prettyyy?

we used to be the closest fren, ever .

she was my girlfren (: someone who i could always talk to, regardless of what others may think . she was my shoulder to cry on, she was there when i lost Ben . almost anything that has happened, she was there .
she's someone who shares the same taste in clothes, food, drinks, movies, GUYS, the colur purple, and so on and so on..
the drummer girl who also used to sit next to me , but had to move to the other direction D: sorry that i made a big fuss bout it to the teachers .

many months ago, even tho we see each other every weekday in skewl, we'll still meet each other EVERY saturday without fail . tho we supposedly have plans with other frens, we either rain check the plans or whatever . cause sat was like our date, date . get it? lol

till disaster strike D:
~~that would be the drug episode~~..

we werent allowed to see each other, its like a bad break up . ( im sorry i costed you so much trouble! ) and tho we're now allowed to hang out again, we hardly have the time .
i know she misses me cause i miss her terribly too :O
whatever fuck happened, you'll always be a fren that ill always rmbr..
youre my one and only Jinnikins (:
you left footprints in my heart! (:

hope you have a sensational 7teen birthday !!
and may all your wishes come true!

xoxo

my life ..

2008-12-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

listening to :
Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette

My life.

why do i worry?
why do i stress?
why has my life become a total mess?
why aren't i happy?
why aren't i free?
why cant my life be how i want it to be?
why do i bother?
why do i try?
it all ends in failure
and thats why i cry ..

xoxo

i am trusting for the first time, in a long time

2008-12-04T01:00:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Out Of Phase by Sugarcult

baby, to love you will be my joy and my pleasure
to love you will be my armor against the world
to love you will be one of the good things in my life
you make me feel alive again
it will be my pleasure, to love you

xoxo

youre the only thing that make senses to me

2008-12-03T17:20:00.000+08:00

listening to :

Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

yeah.. it is you i fell for
it is you whom i so much adore

it is your every word that makes my heart go glad
it is your absence that makes me so sad

it is your every act that is so sweet
it is your smile that makes my heart skip a beat

boy, im in love with you ♥

xoxo

new layout, yet again

2008-12-03T16:00:00.000+08:00

listening to :
Hot 'n' Cold by Katy Perry

you like? ;D

i made this layout myself..
(click on the picts for a bigger view)

first thought of butterflies, and that adorable ladybug .
then that uberly weird picture .

gotta have A7X !!!

butterflies! :)

scribbles..

more and more BUTTERFLIES ! oh, and BLINGS!
bwahahhaha xD

xoxo

another cut, a lost of luck

2008-12-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

listening to :
I Dont Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like me by Marilyn Manson

how can i forget you?
if the only love i know is you
how can i move on?
if life is not the same without you

it doesnt hurt when i talk to you
it hurts when you dont talk to me

it doesnt hurt when i tell you iloveyou
it hurts when you keep forgetting about it

it doesnt hurt when i worry about you
it hurts when you tell me not to

it doesnt hurt you being my friend
it hurt me being yours..

xoxo

its been awhile..

2008-12-01T23:30:00.001+08:00

I can feel the chill go down my spine
Amazing i do this every time
It’s hard to forget the things ive been through
You’d want to die too if you only knew
The things i feel
Seem so unreal
Sometimes i feel i may never heal
I know i tend to miss the signs
It’s just hard for me to unwind
When i get to having an obsession
It doesnt help with my depression
I guess im checking in for another session
Sick of the drugs
But i never got hugs
So ive learned to deal with the mean mugs
Some say they get it
When was your last hit?
Just look at my wrist you can see they’ve been slit
I know i talk too much
It’s because im out of touch
I guess ill never feel free
It’s just the way i accept it to be
I dont expect anyone to love me

xoxo

where ive been?

2008-12-01T20:25:00.005+08:00

listening to :

Love is Gone (Joachim Garraud & Fred Rister Remix) by David Guetta

and so i got this job for 3 days, to promote the face product Olay from 10am till 10pm for rm 100 a day .
i tell you, damn tiring!
mostly i was hoping for the time to pass by so i could go back home..
so..

1st day of work, friday

b4 working, went to starbucks! xD its been so long..
working was okay . i had fun working with Ashley, and tho we were supposed to have our breaks seperately. we didnt . instead during our last break, we went for a lil shopping ard the place, got ourselves a small treat and such . talking bout makes up and all . lols
met a few ppl while working/ having break ; Yun Xin, Yen Hao, Matthew, Adi, Ilyas and Jin Yin's mom xD
after work, starbucks with Daniel and Ashley . when i got home, went to Rasta and shisha-ed with Edwin and David .

2nd day of work, saturday

starbucks in the morning again..
got a new colleague, Shi Min, shes okay i guess.. that day, it was quite a busy for us . alot more ppl came and bought the Olay product . and even more, there was this malay guy who came and stole two Olay eye cream . one's worth rm69.69 . he stole two, and he got caught (:

went for late lunch during my break with Daniel . supposely i were to belanja him makan, we ate in secret recipe, but he paid even b4 i could take my money out . so yea, thats the time i 'accidentally took' his rm200 xD then went to starbucks later on, i paid with Daniel's money . all the while, he's been so blur, he didnt realised that his money was with me . tsk.. after i got back to work, and hours later, Daniel called . he wants his money back xD

" hey Daniel, i really didnt steal your money kay . i ' ACCIDENTALLY TOOK' your money . "

Lol.. so now i owe him a hot gf -__- and Ivan was there, he was damn funny being a fool playing with the toys, girls clothes and pads xD after work, went to starbucks with Daniel again xD ( to return his money ) an hour later, got back home, and Carmen was adi in my hse ._.

3rd day of work, Sunday

no starbucks in the morning =(
during my first break.. no, it wasnt to starbucks . instead i went to the game center and wasted my time there playing racing cars xD i didnt like working that day, soo damn little customers . saw my babe Vivian! :) soon after, got a msg from David saying that he couldnt fetch me back home from work . sms-ed a few ppl, all no reply . then Alex called, he said he might be fetching me back, or so . then Daniel smsed me .

this is what happened when you sms a few ppl and then almost by the end of the day, most of them reply :/ so, i had to decide who to fetch me back . in the end, i decided that Daniel should fetch me back, since he was gonna come by kota anyway . i smsed back to the others saying that ive got transport . later then, Jason Voon called me, saying that he wants me to teman him after work . so i thought, sure, ive not seen him for so long (one month long ;p) and yesh, i missed that bugger (: when Daniel came, i told him to drop me off at Jason's condo . to be noted, I LOVE DANIEL's CAR! okay, not his car, but all his soft toys in his car . ive got the same ones too! lmao (x

after he dropped me off at Jason's condo, i went to the park to find Jason, saw him lying on the slide -__- soon, went into his room, all the memories came flooded back into my mind . nothing's changed, and i still love the view from his window . all the lights! :D after that, we had a talk . never in my life have i felt so much emotion in a day, it felt good . it was real nice spending time with him, i had fun cause he was being such a kid . so b4 i got back home, we went for a lil drifting for a very short while xD hmm.. why issit that everytime im out with Jason, i get myself grounded by the woman .

sighs, she hates him adi . but whyyyyyy?! :(

p.s., rmbr what you promised me . im trusting you .

plus, you owe me a day in the theme park xD

xoxo

just a glimpse; with you ard, i feel alive

2008-12-01T03:20:00.000+08:00

will edit this post soon.. now's its just mixed up

im happy . and im really heart broken, but im smiling .

ive no idea why .

its been so long since ive been this alive .
its a like a sparkle . a glimpse of something, where no words can say .

im not sure if i can ever love again
but i do hope you'll have hope someday
i appreciate for all you are and how you are to me
i appreciate your honesty
i love your smile
and the way you say my name
i fucking miss your hugs..
i love the way you look at me
and how you were such a kid
you bought a piece of happiness back into my life
i thought, i thought ive lost you
but i was wrong..
you were there all along
and tho i cant be with you
i'll wait..
and if i lose hope
at least you'll still be there
youll always be a part of me
a part where i can look back and smile
ill always love you

xoxo

love and memories

2008-11-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

by O.A.R ( Of A Revolutions )

Lovely, you're always lovely
A vision
You were the one
Now I am stuck inside a memory
You forgot about our destiny
You buried me
Didn't you?
Didn't you?

Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound

You're always floating
A vapor
That I couldn't see
Here I am stuck inside a yesterday
Everything has given way
You fell from me
Didn't you?
Didn't you?

Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

Maybe I am a crowded mind
I watch your eyes glaze over
Stared down at the floor
You were amazing to me
I was amazing to you
But here we go again

Didn't you
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

xoxo

tagged by min hui :)

2008-11-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

listening to :
Happy Apple Poison by Lovedrug

1. Who is your ONE best friend?
Mika Pantaleo
my bestfren who ive just recently got married to :D

2. How long do you know him/her?
more than a year

3. this question seems to be missing..

4. Is the person that tagged you your best friend?
she's a good fren of mine :)

5. Describe the person that tagged you.
she's shweeet :) caring and lovable too . haha

6. How do you get to know the person that tagged you?
we were skewlmates

7. Ever regretted from knowing some friend?
i dont regret . its more of a lesson to be learned..

8. If your best friend betrayed you, what will you do?
burn everything she ever gave me, all those heart warming letters and such D:
BUT, i trust her and i doubt she'll betray me .

9. It's your best friend birthday. What would you give him/her?
melted chocolate on strawberry cake and champagne :) her favorite :D
or maybe something else in mind =p

10. Say something grateful to your best friend.
Mika's my strawberry ichigo . my evil twin, my bitch ;D . she understood how much i was hurt, and how much i had to go through . and no matter what, she's always there to whine things up and turn my grey days to one of the brightest :D we have soo much in common and never once has she judged me . hunney, i miss you much and i love you to the very top!

xoxo

tagged by esther :)

2008-11-26T22:30:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Viva La Vida by Coldplay

rules :
- Pick your month .
- Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you .

- Bold (or italicize) the best apply to you .

- Copy to your own blog , with all twelve months .

- Tag 10 people

January

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

February

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

March

Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

April

Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

May

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

June

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.Talk ative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

July

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties instudy ing. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

August

Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

September

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

October

Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

November

Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

December

Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

>>>>>>>>>

>>>>

February

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. ~~Intelligent and clever~~. Changing personality. ~~Attractive. Sexy~~. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. ~~Dislikes unnecessary things~~. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. ~~Ambitious~~. Realizes dreams and hopes. ~~Sharp~~. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

&& i tag anyone whos bored, lol

xoxo

breaking memories

2008-11-26T15:40:00.001+08:00

early this morning ard 7, david came and pick me up to have breakfast . had some long talk with him . as david has always been the wise fren or something . he's been telling me how i should be thinking more bout my life than waste my time on foolish things . i hate to admit, but he's right .

anyways, an hour or so after that . the both of us went to visit ben's grave .

i still rmbr the day he passed away . i was in skewl and i got this call saying that he passed away.. everything all came in fast motion, i didnt believe it . i didnt wanna believe it at all.. everyone in skewl could see how devastated i was . where after that, jin yin was there to comfort me as i had to call nick to tell him bout the bad news . neither could nick believed what happened . it seems just like yesterday they were talking to each other .

the next day of his funeral, i didnt attend.. i didnt go and pay my last respect .
instead i was out in curve and then dinner at this korean bbq restaurant with a few ppl .

what kind of a fren was i?

i was in denial .
i lost sean . and early this year, i lost mack . and i refused to have lost ben .
i wasnt a good fren at all .. i felt so alone . and coming back home was the worst thing to do . remembering that he used to come by to see how i was coping, remembering him using my laptop, remembering his lame jokes, everything . i missed him so .

i went to see him the next morning . but it wasnt the same .
saying my last goodbye to him was one of my most difficult moment .

when we reached.. while i was still in the car, refusing to get out, with the flowers on my lap, i started to cry.. thinking that this is all that i deserve, mayb i wasnt meant to be happy . but i finally got out .
standing in front, seeing his tiny picture on this craved stone made me weak, i felt like breaking down .

why?
why have i lost the ones i love most?

xoxo

favorite mistake

2008-11-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

by October Fall

To you my favorite mistake
it looks like a second too late
use these words to slit your throat
i meant the words i just wrote

your sick of trying, so am i
you tried another suicide
next time... cut harder

promote your flaws
show your mistakes
6 feet underground
you dig your own grave (2x)

this lead to a loss of sleep
forget you can't forget me
another cut, a loss of blood
why aren't you happy when done

your sick of trying, so am i
you tried another suicide
next time... cut harder

promote your flaws
show your mistakes
6 feet underground
you dig your own grave (2x)

we'll cut harder

promote your flaws
show your mistakes
6 feet underground
you dig your own grave (2x)

xoxo

in times like these, i just wanna die

2008-11-24T17:45:00.005+08:00

I tried to die. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. For being selfish. For being intolerable. For being irritating. For trying too hard. For saying the wrong things. For hurting innocent people. For making people cry. For pushing those that cared away. For not knowing how to make things right. I'm sorry for not being as well polished as everyone around me. I'm sorry for not being good enough. I'm sorry for not being smart enough. I'm sorry for not being talented enough, an excellent mind. I'm sorry if you regret wasting your time and money on me. I'm sorry you have to compare me to everyone else, because I'm not what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not coruscating as brightly as the other girls. I apologize for giving you a reason to scream, shout, hit me everyday. I'm sorry you have to look at me with disgust. I'm sorry the thought of disowning me ever crossed your mind. I'm sorry for not being an outstanding individual, daughter, friend. Person. I hope you forgive me for not trying to change, even though I know its for my own well being. I hope you forgive me, for procrastinating, for ignoring, for laughing, for cursing, for disappointing. All those times you needed me, and I wasn't there. Please don't hate me for being prone to jealousy, to perfection. To anything remotely better than I. Please don't think lesser of me, please don't see me as fraudulant and wrathful. Please don't turn away from me, for being different. Please don't say I am everything you stand against. I am begging you. To not question how I think. To not look at me with hate, to not condemn me. To not criticize the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I look, the way I am. To not label me. To not exclude me, for I do feel, I do. And I want to be apart of whatever. To not judge me on appearance. To not give up on me. I do not wish to be worthless. I do not want you to cry for me, I do not want to cry for myself. I do not want you to cry for me, I do not want to cry for myself. I do not want to look at other people, and want to be more like them. For I have told myself, that I will not be defined by what others are. I do not possess the power to make anyone happy, I try. I am not a good person, I have done things that I am not proud of. I am a fake. I am weak. I am a coward. I am condemned. I am selfish. I am inadequate. I am rude. I am immature. I am unbareable. I am temperamental. I am worthless. I am insignificant. I am nothing. I am useless. Now, would you believe me if I said I didn't need you ? 'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.

xxx

broken wings by flyleaf

2008-11-23T23:50:00.001+08:00

currently my favourite song :)

Thank you for being
such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you
how much you mean to me
Oh you're everything to me
I'm thinkin all the time
how to tell what I feel
I'm contimplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity

And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed

Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please?
We can dance together
and we can dance forever

Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream

Close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
and please pass me some memories
But I fall you're underneath
a thousand broken hearts
Carried by a thousand broken wings
A thousand broken wings

xoxo

im back! D:

2008-11-22T04:10:00.000+08:00

listening to :
Memories by Within Temptation

i missh Beijing! (~~especially those two hawt china boys ;p~~)
shuuuuussssh, might even update a lil bout it, soon :D
damn lazy now la .
anyways, bought loads of things! shopped like crazy, money was spent like water .
besides that, came across loads of leng zhai . went drooling and stalking each one of them from across the street or everywhere else! hahahahahahaha

i could update more bout the trip but sadly when i came back, i was busy talking on the phone :)
no time for much typing atm..
OR
i'll update soon when i get the pcitures back from Sally, SuLynn and whatshisname .

so yea.. imma go now .
ive not slept for more than 9873109810831 hours
can die adi.. hahahah
goooodniiiiights!

xoxo

woots, im going to Beijing!

2008-11-14T03:20:00.001+08:00

listening to :

I'm Yours by The Script

yeaps, that's right :)
im goin to Beijing and i'll be away for a week . tho, to me, going to Beijing not only feels like im going to rehab . but its also more like an escape trip . probably to clear things out from my mind, get myself occupied, relax and maybe just have fun ~~eating snow~~!! i just want to get away and be happy again . being able to get away from this place is all i want right now, and thats a good thing cause i feel like i really need that .
those of you who thinks i dont seem happy enough to be goin to Beijing . dont get me wrong, i am excited to be going there . but just not too excited. get what i mean?
anyways, imma miss you guys so much!!

my lovelies.. aka, my ex puay chai 2 classmates .
im not 100% sure that i'll be there for the gathering on 22nd, i'll let you guys know la! cause i'll be back the day before, i think . and the gathering is from 10am till 12am!
you guys are killing me!!!
BUT.. im dying to see you all!! so i'll try my best to be there kays .

P,S. PLS DO NOT CALL ME, YOU MAY SMS ME, I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT REPLY, BUT PLS DONT CALL . UNLESS I CALL YOU ;p

HAPPY HOLIDAYS PPL! TAKE CARE!

xoxo

didnt my love mean anything to you?

2008-11-12T03:40:00.000+08:00

listening to :
Always You by Amber Pacific

it is bitter, the feeling that i feel every night
it makes me want to cry so badly that i will fall asleep
have you ever felt me in the times that ive felt you?
in the deepest silence i want to drown and lie down

its such a hurt i felt only this time
the time that you've broken my heart
the time that you've broken your promises
the time that you've destroyed my dreams
~~to be with you~~

and now im lying all alone, i cant stand still
this feeling makes me weak every now and then
i tried to collect the parts and re-arrange it again
but no,
there's nothing like the taste of a broken heart

xoxo

tagged by vinnie, my sweet candy :D

2008-11-11T02:45:00.002+08:00

while i was browsing through Joey's blog, i saw my name so i had to read everything slowly cause it gave me a shock when i re'd that "our affair is over" xD hahahaha

How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your blog).
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.___12___.
Loves;
-Your name-

P/S: You are so lifeless, ___13___, -The name of the person that tagged you-.

OKAY, SO HERE GOES..

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

13. What is your favorite activities when hanging out with mates?
Gathering for drinks - Ugly pig
Foosball - Silly duck
Shopping - French kisser
Dulging for food - Cranky banana
Movies - Smelly armpits
Snacks - Horny wolf
Snooker - Tiny nipples
Bowling - Sexy grandmother
Outdoor activities - Vain pot
Having a long talk - Nose plucker
Taking pictures - Dumb bitch
Other - Burn yourself

_____________________________________

Dear da_foO.

I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it when last year with Paris Hilton and I saw you pour syrup on my best friend. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that Extreme Home Makeover sucks. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your photo as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked to ruin the second world war. In pain .

Loves;
-Abbie Lyann-

P/S: You are so lifeless, french kisser, -Vinnie-.

OMGGGG WEY!! HAHAHHAAAH xD

&& i tagg
- Amira
- Andrea
- Esther Loong
- Felicia
- Jayshen
- Juniiebell
- Kai Yi
- Samantha Claire
- Vivian
- Yuin

xoxo

tagged by esther loong =p

2008-11-11T02:20:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Love Remains The Same by Gavin Rossdale

A. Attached or Single?
- single

B. Best Friend?
- Mika Pantaleo

C. Cake or pie?
- cake, cause its yummy xD

D. Day of choice?
- saturday

E. Essential item?
- ipod

F. Favorite colour?
- purrrrpleee :D

G. Gummy bears or worms?
- gummy bears!

H. Hometown?
- malaysia

I. Favorite indulgence?
- HAAGEN DAAZ's chocolate chip :)

J. January or July?
- January (CNY = GREENS! =p)

K. Kids?
- in the future, probably

L. Life isn’t complete without?
- fuck this question

M. Marriage date?
- i have no friggin idea!

N. Number of brothers and sisters?
- two younger bros

O. Oranges or Apples?
- i dislike both . but apple would do

P. Phobias?
- heights >_<

Q. Quotes?
- "Behind Every Bitch Is A Guy Who Made Her That Way"

R. Reasons to smile?
- frens, music, chocolate

S. Season of choice?
- autumn

T. Tag 5 people
- Amira
- Min Hui
- Samantha Claire
- Yuin
- Yun Xin

U. Unknown fact about me?
- im secretly attracted to Daisy Lowe =p

V. Vegetable?
- not all, but some .

W. Worst habit?
- staying up for days o_O

X. X-ray or Ultrasound?
- neither . done those two and i hated it cause it friggin scares me!

Y. Your favorite type of food?
- thai and korean food :)

Z. Zodiac sign?
- aquarius ~

xoxo

spm takers

2008-11-11T00:40:00.002+08:00

GOOD LUCK
&&
ALL THE BEST!!

:)

xoxo

da_foO, happy birthday!

2008-11-10T16:10:00.001+08:00

listening to :
The Red Carpet Grave by Marilyn Manson

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!

my lovely cousin, not to worry..
youre still twenTEEN!
youre not old, as of, - yet -
bwahahahaha xD

glad you're finally back from melb :)
missed you too much!

xxx

taste the blood of my tears ; he's waiting for that day i stab myself

2008-11-10T15:40:00.000+08:00

listening to:
Just A Car Crash Away by Marilyn Manson

ive been away for awhile..
so okay, im back blogging .
not sure why i even bother having a blog

anyways, please ignore the previous post my fren Portia blogged bout
she was just dramatically angry at that moment
( but hunn, thank you so much for bein my shoulder to cry on )
besides, behind every bitch is a guy who made her that way
and that goes for me..

thanks a bunch for being there for me :
vivian, for every friggin moment that has happened . through thick and thin, even from the beginning .
steph, im real sorry that i got you really worried and that i didnt inform you of anything that has been goin on lately . im sorry .
and anyone else who's been there too .

sammy and vinnie, i'll do your tags when im free kay?

xxx

Miss Portia Ng here

2008-11-05T01:10:00.002+08:00

So since my babe refuses to update anything these couple of days, i guess i'll just post something here..

First Of All. I am so srry that i have not been there for you, but i am now. Im always here to cheer you up NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IVE FAILED.

Secondly, to this "person",
HAVE YOU NO BALLS TO TALK TO HER FACE TO FACE!?! YOURE A SERIOUS IDIOT AND SHE'S EVEN MORE AN IDIOT (no offence babe) FOR NOT HAVING A SWEET REVENGE ON YOU. MHMM, LET ME SEE, YOU COULD MAYBE GO TO JAIL FOR THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS.
NOT ONLY WERE YOU A BIG JERK ASS TO HER, BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT DID SHE DO TO MAKE YOU HURT HER THIS BAD?
NOT FOR A MINUTES DID I THINK THAT YOU DESERVED HER AT ALL, NOT ONE BIT! YOURE A FUCKING LOSER AND ONE DAY SOMEONE WILL BREAK YOUR HEART LIKE YOU BROKE HERS.
THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE SAW IN YOU, BUT IM HOPING SHE'LL MOVE ON SOON. FOR HER SAKE, ALL THAT SHE'S BEEN THROUGH, SHE DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS SHE NEEDS.
SHE'S THE SWEETEST THING, AND ANYONE WILL BE THE HAPPIEST GUY TO BE WITH HER. IVE KNOWN HER TOO LONG AND TOO WELL AND I'LL KNOW IF SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT. YES, SHE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT SHE LOVES YOU.
DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER TO LET ANYONE IN? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHE TRUSTED YOU? DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER TO LOVE SOMEONE AGAIN? DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE? DID YOU REALLY LOVED HER? OR WAS IT ALL A BEAUTIFUL LIE TO GET INTO HER PANTS??
WHATEVER IT WAS, SHE BLAMED IT ALL ON HERSELF. I THINK ITS STUPID WHEN SHE IS SUPPOSED TO PUT ALL HER HATE ON YOU. BUT SHE DOESNT HATE YOU AT ALL, INSTEAD SHE'S WILLING TO FORGIVE, WILLING TO LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR SHE LOVES YOU. SHE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY. HOW ON EARTH CAN ANYONE FIND SOMEONE LIKE HER? I RELLY DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD SHE WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
SHE NEEDS AN EXPLANATION. SHE JUST WANTED TO TALK. BUT WHY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER? BECAUSE SHE CARE? BECAUSE SHE WAS INSECURE? BECAUSE SHE DOESNT WANT TO MISS A CHANCE WITH YOU? BECAUSE SHE FELT SAFE BEING WITH YOU? BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID? BECAUSE SHE WAS HAPPY? BECAUSE SHE CHOOSED YOU? BECAUSE SHE FUCKING LOVES YOU? I WONDER WHY.
JUST ONCE, SHE WANTED TO LOVE SOMEONE AND NOT HAVE HER HEART HURT IN THE END.
SHE GAVE UP HER PAST, SHE CHOOSED YOU. BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BEING WITH YOU WOULD BE WORTH IT. YOU TOOK CARE OF HER, TOUGHT HER, YOU WERE THERE FOR HER.
BUT WHAT HAPPENDED? WHY DID YOU END IT ALL? YOU SAID YOU LOVED HER, BUT I GUESSED YOU HAD YOUR FINGERS CROSSED. TALK TO HER, EXPLAIN, SHE'LL UNDERSTAND THEN MAYBE SHE'LL STOP CRYING FOR ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED. BUT THIS IS BULLSHIT I SAY, SHE'S CRYING FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESNT APPRECIATE HER.
YOU HURT HER SO BAD WHEN ALL SHE EVER DID WAS LOVE YOU.
IF YOU ACTUALLY REALLY LOVED HER, YOU WOULDNT HURT HER. IF YOU ACTUALLY CARED, YOU'LL BE THERE FOR HER.

im going insane

2008-11-02T18:20:00.002+08:00

listening to :

Crashed The Wedding by BUSTED

im outta my mind

~~seriously~~

xoxo

happy birthday rascals :)

2008-11-01T03:35:00.000+08:00

listening to :

One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY
RASCALS

no matter how big of a pain you guys are ..
you'll always be my brothers

xoxo

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

2008-10-31T17:20:00.001+08:00

hope you all have an amazing halloween night! :)

xoxo

♥

2008-10-30T01:00:00.000+08:00

listening to :

Dangerously In Love by Beyonce

xoxo

make my heart a better place

2008-10-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

listening to :
All I Need by Within Tempation

" Don't turn me down
for all i need
make my heart a better place
give me something I can believe
Don't turn it down
what's left of me
make my heart a better place

i've tried many times but nothing was real
make it fade away
don't break me down
I want to believe that this is for real
save me from my fear
don't turn me down "

xoxo

i hate her

2008-10-29T15:05:00.000+08:00

I
REALLY
FUCKING
HATE
HER

xoxo

boy, what have you done to me

2008-10-28T00:20:00.001+08:00

listening to :

The Last Night by Skillet

what will i do without you ?

♥

xoxo

he broke it

2008-10-27T03:30:00.000+08:00

Of all the things he said
The one that meant the most
Was when he said he loved her
And really held her close

But lately he said it not
And she began to weep and cry
She finally asked what's wrong
The answer made her want to die

"Nothing in life is going right,
I'm even afraid to love you.
I think we need to take a break,
I need some time, I do..."

She started crying then and there
And couldn't believe what he said
She told him she loved him too much
And without him she's going to be dead

Her friends worried as she sank
Into a solitary depression
She said someday he'd come back
Because he'd made that confession

He said he promised and she believed
But cried herself to sleep each night
She told him she loved him and missed him so ..
But things didn't go her way

Since the day they went apart
She thought she had finally moved on
Till that night she saw him again
She never did, moved on
At all ..

She broke down and cry
It all happened too fast
She still misses him so
But with all said and done
She still loves him so

No one could ever take his place
For her heart, he has taken away
Torn to pieces, shattered to bits
She hoped to never see him again

xoxo

news update on massive worldwide underground 08' rave party

2008-10-26T15:40:00.001+08:00

so .. there's been some changes . latest for VIP Pre-Sale (RM 69) booking is now till 9th Nov .
i would really appreciate if you could pay up b4 8th Nov . in case of any inconvenience .

Ticketing Price :
VIP Pre-Sale : RM 69 (invites only)*
VIP (LIMITED 1000) : RM 100 (invites only)*
Pre-Sales : RM75
Door-Sales : RM 95

*VIP Pre-Sales & VIP tickets are available only from ambassadors

Note: Promotions VIP Pre-Sales tickets (RM 69) is limited .
( so hurry up and contract yours truly before it changes to RM 75! )

VIP ticket included :
- One free drink
- Special privilege
- Access to upstairs VIP area
- Get to see the DJs better.

Time and Place, etc .
Venue : TR1 Hall, PWTC Kuala Lumpur
Start Time : Saturday, December 20, 2008 at 6.00 pm
End Time : Sunday, December 21, 2008 at 3.00am
Dress Code : Black & White

DJs spin it all LIVE! ( DJs line up )
- Scott Alert
- Cosmic Gate
- Erik Nilsson
- DJ Nikki ( malaysia )
- Bass Agents ( malaysia )

Table reservations details for VIP will be updated in November.
So,
stay tune to our Massive web page.
http://www.massiveworldwide.com

FOR MORE DETAILS , PLS MESSAGE/ CALL ME ! ( ASAP )
msn address : abbielyann@hotmail.com
cellphone number : 016-2078007

xoxo

which one ??

2008-10-24T00:15:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Rebirth by Skillet

Ipod Skin

* okay, i know this background here of the fishes sucks *

Counter Strike

i miss playing this game . nyeheh *plans on stealing bros ps2 ;p*

Batman - The Dark Night

Iron Man

i think i like this skin the best ;]

Me to You

this me to you skin has currently been my msn skin for the pass few months ..

im bored of it .
so, help me choose a new one will ya ?

geez .. actually, i wanted to find Star Wars!!
but crap, its no where to be found! :(

xoxo

you torment and i love

2008-10-23T12:50:00.000+08:00

listening to :
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend
How to Dance With You (The Twelves Remix) by Black Kids

I reach for something I will never hold,
I will never have you because you are too cold.
You made me think I was inconvenient.
Now that I know otherwise, to you, I will not be lenient.

Freedom was something that never struck me as real,
And hope was something that I had to conceal.
Love, however, is not easy to forget,
This feeling I have, I may always regret.

But I still love you.
It doesn't matter how you make me feel or what you do.
I'll always care for you,
Even after all of those other girls you did pursue.
But I'll also never forgive myself for not letting go.
Through all of my pain, I still love you so.

xoxo

this one's for you

2008-10-23T03:26:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Ecstasy by ATB

*click play to listen*

Have you ever noticed,
That I’m not acting as I used to do before?
Have you ever wondered,
Why I always keep on coming back for more?

What have you done to me,
I’ll never be the same I'll tell you for sure

I’ll never be the same I'll tell you for sure
I’ll never be the same I'll tell you for sure

You really are my ecstasy,
MY REAL LIFE FANTASY
MY REAL LIFE FANTASY ..

Not that I’m complaining,
A more beautiful vision - I have never seen
If you don’t mind me saying,
A lifelong ambition to fulfill my dream

What have you done to me,
I’ll never be the same I'll tell you for sure

I’ll never be the same I'll tell you for sure
I’ll never be the same I'll tell you for sure

You really are my ecstasy,
My real life fantasy, oh yeah

You really are my ecstasy,
My real life fantasy, oh yeah

(There can be no other while we still have each other)
(There can be no other while we still have each other)

You really are my ecstasy,
(There can be no other while we still have each other)
My real life fantasy, oh yeah

Ecstasy by ATB

xoxo

updates on massive worldwide underground rave party 08'

2008-10-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

P.S., do contract me asap lastest by friday on the amount of tickets you wanna book . pls pay up too as promotion tickets are selling fast !

Ticketing Price :
VIP Pre-Sale : RM 69 (invites only)*
VIP (LIMITED 1000) : RM 100 (invites only)*
Pre-Sales : RM75
Door-Sales : RM 95

*VIP Pre-Sales & VIP tickets are available only from ambassadors

Note: Promotions VIP Pre-Sales tickets (RM 69) is valid till 27th Oct 08
( so hurry up and contract yours truly before it changes to RM 75! )

Available purchase only at nearest Ticket Pro, Rock Corner from 27th October onwards.

VIP ticket included :
- One free drink
- Special privilege
- Access to upstairs VIP area
- Get to see the DJs better.

Time and Place, etc .
Venue : TR1 Hall, PWTC Kuala Lumpur
Start Time : Saturday, December 20, 2008 at 6.00 pm
End Time : Sunday, December 21, 2008 at 3.00am
Dress Code : Black & White

DJs spin it all LIVE! ( DJs line up )
- Scott Alert
- Cosmic Gate
- Erik Nilsson
- DJ Nikki ( malaysia )
- Bass Agents (malaysia )

Table reservations details for VIP will be updated in November.
So,
stay tune to our Massive web page.
http://www.massiveworldwide.com

FOR MORE DETAILS , PLS MESSAGE/ CALL ME ! ( ASAP )
msn address : abbielyann@hotmail.com
cellphone number : 016-2078007

xoxo

bye bye beautiful

2008-10-21T23:00:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Made Up Stories by GoAudio

Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting..

xoxo

new phone bitches !!

2008-10-20T00:40:00.001+08:00

listening to :

Honey, Honey by Amanda Seyfried (MAMMA MIA)

well ..
not exactly THAT new
mom used it for bout less than a month,
but she decided to buy another new phone
>_<

SO ..
since my current phone keeps shitting all the time .
i mean, i can hardly receive messages at the right time, etc ..
also cause i couldnt stop complaining, she decided to give me this beauty !!
( for an early christmas present ;p )
Lol

my new baby ;p

N77 dual sim card

except that the phone i got is in white (:

now
say goodbye to my LG phone
heeee (;

note :
CALLIE LEONG ! i cant find my happy sim card weih, where did you put it ? ):

xoxo

Massive Worldwide Underground 08'

2008-10-19T04:45:00.001+08:00

listening to :
Cosmic Gate (Remix 2008) by Clockwork Deadmau 5

got a new layout picture you like ?
( let me know what you think )
HEH . thanks vivian for helping me out ;D

ANYWAYS ..
ATTENTION PLS !!

i really really wanna go for

Massive Worldwide Underground 08'

on 20th December . PWTC, KL
for more info : click here!
it'll be the biggest rave party ever !!

ticketing price :
VIP Pre-Sale : RM 69 (invites only)*
VIP (LIMITED 1000) : RM 100 (invites only)*
Pre-Sales : RM75
Door-Sales : RM 95

*VIP Pre-Sales & VIP tickets are available only from ambassadors

i couldnt care less bout the ticketing price
besides, Cherish Lim is offering me the Limited Edition VIP Tickets !
BUT . ive no idea what i'll be doing on that day yet ..
~~SHIT~~

DJs who'll be rocking on that night
- Scott Alert
- Cosmic Gate
- Erik Nilsson
- DJ Nikki
- Bass Agents

FOR MORE DETAILS , PLS MESSAGE ME !
here's my msn add
abbielyann@hotmail.com

p.s.
stephiie hunn . you free then ? ;p
da, you wanna go ? i can get the VIP Pre-Sale tickets for you and justin first .

xoxo

youre my heart and soul ♥

2008-10-18T06:15:00.001+08:00

keeeweii korr

( if you ever managed to come online again, i hope you read this )

you know , i really did ~~cried~~ after you left
stupid huh .

but beyond everything ..

♥ I LOVE YOU ♥

more than you can possibly know
despite how busy you are all the time
you've never failed me
youre always the one who made my day
and you always will be in my heart

Sitting there
Seeing you
You smile my way
That's all it takes
And I know
You are something
Very special
You capture
My heart
Fill it with passion
Giving life a new look
Because you have
A way about you
But there's so much more
The tears flow instantly
There's something
About you
And my heart only knows
Just from seeing you

xoxo

sleepless nights .

2008-10-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

listening to :
Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis by Brand New

Come to sleep
to dream
with me
The fire light
glows see
The flicker
flame
that dances near
Looks on to us
With piercing ear
shadows rise and fall in trance
The music plays and on we dance

.

been having sleepless nights, for 4 days .
my gawd .
i literally died when i come home from skewl .
but that only lasted for less than 5 hours .
and now im fully awake .
pfft !

xoxo

religion is bullshit !!

2008-10-15T00:25:00.000+08:00

listening to :

The Staunton Link by Lemon Jelly

fuck yeah . i totally agree with George Carlin ;]

PLS NOTE : im sorry to all Christians .
if you do not, i repeat, DO NOT want to watch or listen to the fact that religion is bullshit .
by all means, dont click play !

OH ! not forgetting . THE 10 COMMANDMENTS .

HAHAHAHA ! xD

xoxo

everything i do ( i do it for you )

2008-10-14T00:15:00.001+08:00

listening to :

Bittersweet by Within Temptation

"...Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more ..."

by Brian Adams

xoxo

imaginary

2008-10-13T03:50:00.000+08:00

by Evanescence

_{"... Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming}
_{Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights}
_{Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming}
_{The goddess of imaginary light}

_{If you need to leave the world you live in}
_{Lay your head down and stay a while}
_{Though you may not remember dreaming}
_{Something waits for you to breathe again ..."}

xoxo

even in death

2008-10-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

by Evanescence

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me

And I can't love you, anymore than I do
And I can't love you, anymore than I do

People die, but real love is forever

xoxo

im sooo in love

2008-10-12T16:00:00.001+08:00

i'll make sure that one day when and if i get my car .
imma tune my car all over with these bars .
plus, if i were ever to have an accident .
i would most likely to be in a safer position .
Lol ..

xoxo

LOVE is gone

2008-10-08T02:15:00.000+08:00

by David Guetta and Chris Willis

Lol ..

OH ! before i forget ..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AZREE !!
have a great 18th bday ;p

xoxo

here are the pictures i promised

2008-10-04T02:30:00.002+08:00

omgg, the pictures are taking forever to be uploaded !!
( do excuse all the retarded pictures of me )
anyways .. da, yeng jeje, here's what you guys missed . lol

"the big day" 13.09.2008

yeah, i wasnt even invited to this .
ANYWAYS ..
the private wedding was held at the DUCK KING restaurant

its the first time that we kids do all the arrangement while the adults chill .

soon after ..
the wedding ceremony started .. etc etc ..

well, i'll let the pictures do the talking . lazy ...

someone in blue soik sendiri ;p

*see callie's red face* hehehe

first, callie drank the wine all at one shot :O tsk ..
then her face turned red, everyone noticed ..
so .. she wasn't allowed to drink then
BUT

jengjengjeng
oh dear ;p

THE END

xoxo

no fear

2008-10-03T01:55:00.000+08:00

by The Rasmus

Girl
You lived your life like a sleeping swan
Your time has come
To go deeper

Girl
Your final journey has just begun
Your destiny chose the reaper

No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear

Girl
The rain falls down from the northern skies
Like poisoned knives
With no mercy

Girl
Close your eyes for the one last time
Sleepless nights
From here to eternity

No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear
Destination Darkness
No Fear

xoxo

ohfuckingdogweeds .

2008-10-03T01:45:00.002+08:00

I LOST MY VOICE !!

(*&$#^$*&^#@&$)@!%+ !!

been coughing and having sore throat all week .
the effect ---> no voice at all .

seriously . this kinda ruined my day .
and i had to cough too friggin much time while watchin "Eagle Eye" ( its damn fucking awesome i tell you, must watch !! ;D )
and i cant wait for the upcoming of "the Fast and the Furious" , just cause vin diesel's in there ;p *drool ..*

and btw .. da, if youre reading this .
ive got the pictures from dad's wedding . im just too lazy to upload the pictures, but will do so soon k ?

xoxo

ATTENTION !!

2008-10-02T03:40:00.000+08:00

im in love with Tokio Hotel ;D ;D

i really really love all their songs . espcially 1000 oceans .
and tho i dont understand a word from the other songs (dunno what language thery're singing) but i still love it !
and i couldnt care less if Bill Kaulitz's gay anot, or the fact that he looks like a woman or sound like one in the song "monsoon" . lol

who's seriously sweet enough to buy their original album "SCREAM" for me ? ;p ;p

~~tom kaulitz is so hot~~ ! (the one with the hat)

ready , set , go !
it's time to run
the sky is changing, we are one
together we can make it while
the world is crashing down
don't you turn around

xoxo

happy birthday jin !!

2008-10-02T01:20:00.001+08:00

so now youre officially 17 (: heh

there's never a day that i dont miss you .

i miss being in skewl with you .
where you'll help me skip class and all .
and when we used to talk all night ( well, mayb not all night )
just listening to me complain or whatsoever .
and it goes on and on .. etc ..

lum u-jin !! hope you have fun in MOS tonight!!
and erm ..
i promise i'll think of something to give you ;D
and the rest ..
its either ive adi said to you or somewhat .

any case you forget .
you mean so much to me <3
and thank you for everything youve ever done !
all the best and upon all the wishes ive said,
have a wonderful birthday !

xoxo

nobody knows

2008-10-01T03:15:00.002+08:00

nobody knows it but me
my heart has an unknown identity
it bleeds everyday for you
but its getting tired of waiting too .

the broken smile
the shattered pieces of my love
and although i cant help it
ive fallen in love ..

there's no one that could ever make me feel ..
just like you do .

xoxo

a special note .

2008-09-16T00:40:00.001+08:00

Happy
Sweet Sixteen !

to my darlin Yuin ;D

knowin you all these years has been such a pleasant to me .
youre truly an awesome friend ;D

you talked to me when i was neglected .
you were there when no one else is .
you listened to my sorrow and my grief .
you consoled me .

and ..
when my days were grey , you brightened them .
gettin to know you more each time is an adventure .
youve always been there for me
and i really appreciate it .

always remember that no matter what happens,
i'll always be there for you .
anything and anytime
i'll try my very best ;D

hope you like your present :)
have a great birthday
take care hunn <3

xoxo

i miss this song ..

2008-09-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

i used to listen to this all the time .

ya know .. i hate it when youre with someone , and the both of you will have a song or something . and soon, when good things come to an end .

you move on .

but what issit that everytime i hear this song . it strikes my heart .

am i still hangin on ?

xoxo

im my father's daughter .

2008-09-14T02:10:00.002+08:00

or he would prefer, his " youngest sister " .

nvm bout that . i dont feel like updating much .
dad finally re-married .
good , now everyones happy .
anyways . dinner was erm , nothing special , or so i think . food was delicious and callie was red . *she drank too little, too much* lol
[ will explain soon ]

and, will post up more pictures too . meanwhile .. here's one .

i love my brother ;D

xoxo

forever dying on the inside

2008-09-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

i am alone and forever lost
i wonder what it is to go comotrose
i hear the voices calling from far away
i see a coffin lying empty in my future grave
i want to be left alone in this place of misery
i am alone and forever lost

i pretend to be happy almost every day
i feel a loss of reality and everything turning grey
i touch nothing as everything feels so far away
i worry that my worst fear shall soon be confirmed
i cry when she is not by my side
i am alone and forever lost

i understand that i am not like you
i say that it doesnt matter and why should i care ?
i dream that my love is no longer here
i try not to notice your unblinking stares
i hope that one ay you shall all see just what you drove me to be
i am alone and forever lost

xoxo

and you never came back .

2008-09-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

i was born when you kissed me .
i died when you left .
i lived a few weeks while you loved me .

xoxo

thanks .

2008-09-10T22:40:00.000+08:00

ujin . nicky . ian korr . voonie . yuin .

for taking your time for me . and giving me advises . consoling me .
i really appreciate it .

THANKS

xoxo

your lips ; its just another bitter taste

2008-09-10T19:45:00.001+08:00

i am bored .

2008-09-04T16:40:00.000+08:00

" A bit of photoshop + makeup + studio lighting effects, even pork chops can become miss world "

hahaha . tht is soo true . Lol .
heee . marcus was just tellin me bout 'someone' . soon after , he said those line . if you know the whole convo , you'd definitely laugh .
but you know what , ignore that . you wouldnt get what im talkin bout .

anyhoo . i am STILL hating skewl . i got nominated as the "MOST OUTSTANDING STUDENT" , yet again . btw . the meaning as to the " most outstanding student" , so fort and all is --- not bein outstanding . bleh ..

hmm .. any of you been to club goddezz in solaris ? its fun ! :D its just next to 3 kingdom . small club , but nice music :)

oh notes to ...
` keeeweii : why cant the line get through when i sms you nowadays ?!?
` ming lin : hunn . msg me .
` stephiie : gotta hang out soon . loads of stuff to bitch bout ! heee x)

i guess thts all for now . gtg . bye

xoxo

once again .

2008-08-26T20:30:00.000+08:00

im so sorry . i have no idea when i'll be able to come back online .
its either i pay rm 20 for friggin 10 mins to my rascals [bros] or whatsoever . heh
my laptop spoiled . therefore , it'll be - some time - till i get back .

im been busy much .
yesh , ive been studyin . theres nothing more to do . i think .
but yeah, exams on the way .

theres so much i wanna type down , but i dont have the time .
thanks yuin for scaring that scam bag . hahaha .
would love to hear more bout it someday soon .
tho i think ive seen her before . so, when i visit my fren in bu4 one day .
i'll find her and slap her for the both of us, especially for you . cause she deserves it . :D
and btw, love your posts .

lastly , keeeweii korr . i miss you . and ill post up your pictures soon kay .

and, right now .
i cant think . my brain's not malfunctioning properly atm . so whateverlah .

xoxo

hey people

2008-08-01T02:19:00.002+08:00

for those who dont know . .

ive got another blog .
had it since last june or something . so yea , if youre ever bored . browse it if you want .
or better yet , dont . it'll bore you even more .
its just filled with poems and such . nothing much . but owels .

break apart my heart

xoxo

one step forward ; two steps back

2008-07-31T23:50:00.001+08:00

" dead in her mind and cold to the bone ,
she opened her eyes and saw she was alone . "

xoxo

what`s goin on ?

2008-07-29T22:10:00.002+08:00

my heart hurts .

~~i cant breathe properly~~ .

xoxo

you were my greatest failure

2008-07-27T04:42:00.003+08:00

by Sugarcult

Over - Sugarcult

Everybody's watching you
Breathing in your every move
Look around when the world is empty
Look around if you're guilty

Everybody's after you
I wait in line to touch you
Look around if you ever miss me
Look because it kills me

[ Chorus ]
It's over
There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can say
To keep me here
It's over
You say we're just friends
We're playin pretend to keep me here

Every night I lay in bed
I think about the things you said
Look around, I'm the one, your only
Look around it still kills me

[ Chorus ]

It's over, To keep me here [ 4 times ]

Doesn't anyone care? [ 4 times ]

Everybody's watching you and counting down your every move
Look around when your heartbeat's empty
Look around if it's guilty

It's over
You say we're just friends
We're playin pretend to keep me here
It's over
There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can say
To keep me here
It's over
You say we're just friends
It's almost the end
I'm outta here
It's over
I'm outta here

xoxo

fuck you bitch !

2008-07-25T13:45:00.004+08:00

i hate her . i cant stand her . all she wants to do is to get me into more trouble than i am already in . fine , called my mom and tell her bout my sleeping pills . so what ? she thinks that i'll go to skewl feeling all happy for her ? proud that im finally putting my mind on studyin ? or so she thinks .. always checkin up on me like im such a criminal . what , did i kill someone ? idiot . i cant even go to the toilet for more than 2 friggin minutes !! what is her problem ! always complaining tht i dont do my work . bitch , since when ?!! havent you noticed my grades ? asshole . i sleep in class ? who friggin doesnt ?!! after piles of work , dont we get to rest for a lil bit ? no .. she wouldnt allow . sayin GOD wouldnt like these kind of attitude . i dont believe in christianity anymore ! [ for those who are christians and is reading this , dont mind me , god would probably want you to stay out of other's ppl problem ] shesanolifefriggindogweedohimsorrythatyourhusbanddoesntloveyou ! i know she`s afraid of me , im the only student who told it off to her fagged face . you know what . i'll be less a bitch to her if she could just leave me alone ! or the rest of my frens as well . if this doesnt please her , why doesnt she ... do me a favor ? pretty please ? i dont think it'll be such a problem to her right ? if she cant stand such a rebellious / notorious student such as myself . why doesnt she just expel me ? she`s a friggin two-faced bitch ?!! i swear to whoever the fuck is , if she continues this . i will slap her . and sue her for sakes . she blacklisted my frens and i just so she can get what she wants ? what the hell ! there's nothing for her ! what the fuck does she want from me ? oh my dear , i dont think she knows that action speaks louder than words . fucktard . thinkin anyone likes her ? well , i aint gonna talk bout her daughter , i couldnt care less bout her . complained sayin that i like borrowing my ipod ? cant listen to heavy metal ? cant share drinks or food ?! i think she mistaken of some thing . sharing is caring . she took everything i ever liked in skewl . its a wonder why she`s the only one who we hate . you know what . i dont care anymore , at this point and time , this all aint worthy of my time . why should i waste my precious time on her ? fuck this life .

omfg . this is so cute !

2008-07-23T21:55:00.003+08:00

thanks Diana ;D
these are adorable . heh

[ all these cute lil animals , follows your mouse . lol ]

[this is so cute ! move your mouse ard them ]

[ you can click on the turtle , spin it in circles and when you let it go , it'll spin for awhile . *evil laugh* oh, give em` food by clickin the screen ! ]

[ i love this the most ! click on the screen , feed the fish as much as you can and it`ll never die . lol ]

[click on the screen , see what`ll happen ]

lols .. i m bored , dont mind me . heh ;D

xoxo

i only hurt me

2008-07-22T01:40:00.000+08:00

thoughts
racing through
my mind

i try so hard
to keep control
inside

it`s not working
anymore
people can see

everything`s
always
agitating me

cant concentrate
on
anything

i feel myself
withdrawing
everyday

xoxo

for you ..

2008-07-21T23:45:00.001+08:00

jealousy , misery , suffering ,
you've got everything .
razors , flame , pills and cocaine ,
you need the comfort of the pain .

you make up for never present hope and lost dreams
with self inflicted agony
you accept this misplaced blame ,
bitterly fulfilled by undeserved shame .

so many vain attempts to flee have finally made you see
you cant run from a memory
you`ll never get away
you cant make it go away
so take it , take it to your grave

xoxo

s . e . a . n

2008-07-20T01:30:00.000+08:00

you were sick that day ,
but you made me smile :D

i`ll always love you .

you were always there for me .
youre the only one who could understand .

melissa`s doin fine . just so you know .

you saved me life

sean wong wei kenn

happy 19th birthday

i miss you .

R.I.P
1989 - 2007

i dont see you anymore ,
but i still feel you around .

you`ve never failed me,
you were always there .
memories of you will be remembered for eternity .

the day you died , i lost my soul .

now you`re gone , ~~gone forever~~ .
i should have seen it coming ,
i should have known it all .

im missing you every moment .
im vulnerable without you .

there is no one ,
who understands .
no one to save me ,
but you .

you`ve saved my life and i blame myself .

angels may have you now ,
but someday soon ,
they'll have me too .
wait for me ...

i love you

xoxo

come back

2008-07-18T04:12:00.001+08:00

why can i let go of you ?
i need you here

youre birthday`s coming
i dont know what else to do
give me a sign
tell me what to do

i wanna celebrate with you
you would be 19 soon
but i know i cant
cause
youre gone , gone forever

i dont need any help , i dont want any

i hate life
i hate that youre not here
~~i blame myself~~

come back , take me away

pain please go away
or
death come and take me away

xoxo

she`s a cunt . i cant stand her

2008-07-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

like what zoran said . she`s a cunt . and we cant stand her .

two-faced bitch . thts her aite .

what i hate most is ..
she separated me and my girl away from each other .
jinnikins and i can never be apart . Lol
i miss her d . wtf .

p.s i aint a lesbo . haha . we`re just really really close frens .

xoxo

kill me .

2008-07-17T02:10:00.001+08:00

i wish ..

i was never born .

let me sleep .
and never again ,
to wake up alive .

xoxo

dearest ming lin .

2008-07-15T18:50:00.000+08:00

sweetie ,
sorry that ive been busy .
and that we didnt had the time to hang out since you came back .
it was such a bummer to me, but cant complain much anyway .
i blame on my hectic schedule . lol

take care aite ?
while youre back there in melbourne .
i'll miss you so much
beyond words .
cant wait till you get back here in sept . heh ;D

see you soon !
much loves <3>

xoxo

what is diazepam ?

2008-07-14T00:30:00.004+08:00

diazepam is a benzodiazepine .
it affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety.

diazepam is used for the management of anxiety disorders or for the short-term relief of symptoms of anxiety.

diazepam may also be used to relieve agitation, shakiness, and hallucinations during alcohol withdrawal and relieve certain types of muscle spasms.

It may also be used to treat seizures , insomnia , and other conditions .

xoxo

i.now.rely.on.sleeping.pills

2008-07-13T23:50:00.000+08:00

hmm .. how bad can this be ?

the doctor gave me diazepam .
its to help treat my insomnia .
higher effect than the ones he gave before . wtf ..

diazepam can cause gradually-developing weakness , confusion , and memory loss .
ha, just what i need .

he thinks im having night terrors or whatsoever . lmao .
but after the day i took diazepam .
i only felt like i was having a hangover . and i cant think or walk properly .

the father laughed . wth .

but no worries, i wont overdose .
my promise to keeeweii korr .

xoxo

he`s always there to warm my heart <3

2008-07-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
if u die( which u wont ) i think i will be very lost in this world

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
i will definitely feel like ive lost so many things

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
i know that from then on theres not gonna be any sweet girl to talk to me when im down or call me at night just to see how im doing

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
its hard to say exactly what i would feel, because ive never imagined u dying before

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
and i dont want to

- アビーღ screaming in my mind , shattering my heart says:
how much do you love me ?

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
this much

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
get it ?? get it??

- アビーღ screaming in my mind , shattering my heart says:
not really .

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
i didnt put how much

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
because

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
my love for u cannot be put in numbers

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
or cannot be defined

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
it is just there

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
u know i love u with my life

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
but we do not speak of it

"Adan Chin ™'[Point .7]' You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts.. says:
because u know i love u

chin voon hung .
my darlin voonie, my teddy bear, my darlin sweetheart <3
i love you beyond words . dont ever forget that .
i know i dont get to see you much anymore .
but every moment when im with you, i make every second count cause i miss you.
youre my sweetest bestfren, and i'll my best not to fail you .

xoxo

insomnia sucks

2008-07-11T00:35:00.000+08:00

sometimes
i have these brain
malfunctions

i think
im kinda normal

but then i
remember i havent
had enough sleep

let me die . another day or 2 i might faint . wtf ..

xoxo

marcus said ..

2008-07-10T01:05:00.000+08:00

i was born to party
&&
i was forced to study

LoL

xoxo

you . left . me

2008-07-05T03:05:00.004+08:00

sean , i need you .

xoxo

which is better ?

2008-07-02T00:30:00.001+08:00

Pocketful Of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
natasha bedingfields`s original song track ..

or ..

Pocketful of Sunshine (acoust - Natasha Bedingfield
this acoustic version by some guy ? lol

xoxo

should have known it all before

2008-07-01T23:50:00.005+08:00

fuck the world . fuck life .

there is no one
who understands
no one to save me

gone forever
never back again
the blackness found me

Hatred holds me now
should have known it all before

xoxo

drown

2008-06-30T02:10:00.001+08:00

by Three Days Grace

Good morning day
Sorry I’m not there
But all my favourite friends
Vanished in the air
It’s hard to fly when you can’t even run
Once I had the world, but now I’ve got no one

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction

And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown … drown

Good morning day
Sorry you’re not here
All those times before
We’re never this unclear
It’s hard to walk when you can’t even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I’ve lost it all

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown

Rolling faster than I’m breathing
Drown
Rolling faster than I’m breathing
Drown
Rolling faster than I’m breathing

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
(Save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown)

xoxo

im dyin to have them !

2008-06-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

any of you interested in online shopping ?

this recent link i checked on has great stuff in it .
here`s a few of them . heh . i love ...

i love these 4 sunglasses the most ;D

pebble necklace mp3

browse for more at blingaholic ;D

geez, i cant order anything yet .
just used up most of my cash on clothes and starbucks .
owel .. soon, maybe .
i just hope i have enough money to buy / i still have the chance to buy them .

xoxo
- i need to start saving money .

darlin` sweetie pie

2008-06-28T08:37:00.003+08:00

... is BACK !! heh

much loves,
bie

hey people .

2008-06-28T01:10:00.001+08:00

im sorry for bein away for way too long .

anyway, im -kinda- back atm . not sure what'll happen next .
ive gotta study most of the time too, tho .
been goin out less .. much lesser ..
why ? damn exams is along the way . and i wanna ace them .

a side that, happy belated birthday to ...
dear nick, voonie, denden, steph, yee ning, and yun xiin .
i think that`s all, right ? :/

and yeah, almost forgot . i might, change to a new blog soon . not sure why, just felt like it . thts all . heh

R.I.P
BEN LAW PEI WENN
11 . 06 . 08
you were a great fren to me .
i`ll always rmbr you .
and memories of you will be forever more, with me .

xoxo